Monday, May 31, 2004

Blessed are the cheesemakers

  • Boy, the English sure know how to have fun. Key quote: "Search and Rescue Assistance In Disasters (SARAID) said there had been five major injuries."

  • Someone please explain to me what in the world the man pictured in this story is wearing. Is that a price-scanner gun at his hip?

  • The mysterious Professor Wrestling lets his readers do the dirty work for him. You really have to wonder about a personal anectdote that contains the sentence: "The first time my daughter met Robert was in the parking lot behind the Spartanburg Memorial Auditorium."
  • Sunday, May 30, 2004

    Whatever it does, it's doing it now

    I proudly displayed this blog to my wife this weekend. After staring at it for a second she asked: "And what do you do with it?"
    After I offered a rambling and clearly insufficient explanation of blogging and its purpose, she squinted and said: "It needs more color."

    Saturday, May 29, 2004

    And There Was Much Rejoicing Amongst Optometrists

  • I think we can all breathe a sigh of relief that this international crisis is over.

  • Have a swinging good Memorial Day. Any day that contains a Mambo version of the Doors' "Light My Fire" is a good day (13:33 into the May 22 show).

  • Every once in a while I will read a story about someone who comes down with every soap opera's favorite plot twist: amnesia. Admit it, haven't you secretly wished that you, too, could somehow get amnesia? I would get to meet my wife again, I'd have a whole shelf of CDs that I had never heard before, and I would have no recollection of Steve Urkel.

  • Every breath that Toby Keith takes is a testament to the failure of the music industry. I wish someone would give me £5 for putting up with his noise.
    (That's an astonishing $9.16 in U.S. dollars, by the way)
  • Friday, May 28, 2004

    Perfecting The Clean And Jerk

  • A few years ago I wrote a column observing male behavior as it relates to the use of a urinal. My editor promptly advised me to never again explore the subject of bathroom etiquette.
    But still one restroom behavior continues to seriously concern me: Men who grunt when they are... uhm... relieving themselves in a seated position.
    Obviously, this is a delicate subject -- but one that that a number of men approach with a disturbing sense of reckless abandon. At times the noises coming from behind the stall door leads me to wonder if Olympic weightlifting isn't taking place in there.
    I'm certainly not inclined to tell people how to live their lives, but I would suggest that if pooping requires such tremendous physical effort for you, you really need to take some action. Exercise. Eat more prunes. Something.

  • A note to all would-be criminals: Don't attempt to rob the same place that you got sent to prison for previously robbing.

  • Oh, what a bunch of wimps are the CPSC. Snapping swing set chains help to keep kids on their toes.

  • The perfect gift for the budding actor or actress.

  • You would think that someone with a name like Robert Kumpost would want to avoid high schools.

  • Here's something I've learned over the years: Anything accompanied by the Benny Hill theme song is funny.
  • Thursday, May 27, 2004

    Got Any Better Ideas?

  • If you've got a better name for this blog, I'm keen to hear it.

  • I've been booked for June 26 as a guest for The Wedding Show on WJFK in Washington, D.C. More on that later.

  • My fifth anniversary is coming up -- my wife should get me one of these.

  • No, wait. I want one of these, instead.

  • Here's a page of .wav files from "Dukes of Hazzard."

  • Extreme ironing. Silly, yes, but still more of a sport than NASCAR.

  • You kind of have to admire a criminal brazen enough to steal baseball bleachers.

  • This will make a good drinking story some day: "A Good Samaritan was helping Delgado take off his burning pants when firefighters arrived"

  • I now have an excuse for having once been a fan of Blackfoot: There was something wrong with my brain.

  • Hmm. That may explain why so many Kansas towns made the list.

  • You know, of the seven nefarious characters the U.S. government announced today that it is searching for, I think the one that concerns me most is Yah Sahmahti Samm. He looks dangerous!
  • Wednesday, May 26, 2004

    Move Along, Nothing To See Here

    Hi. I'm this guy. Presently this site is still in the development stages (in the sense that I'm still deciding what -- if anything -- I want to do with it), so things may be rather stale for a month or so.