Friday, May 28, 2004

Perfecting The Clean And Jerk

  • A few years ago I wrote a column observing male behavior as it relates to the use of a urinal. My editor promptly advised me to never again explore the subject of bathroom etiquette.
    But still one restroom behavior continues to seriously concern me: Men who grunt when they are... uhm... relieving themselves in a seated position.
    Obviously, this is a delicate subject -- but one that that a number of men approach with a disturbing sense of reckless abandon. At times the noises coming from behind the stall door leads me to wonder if Olympic weightlifting isn't taking place in there.
    I'm certainly not inclined to tell people how to live their lives, but I would suggest that if pooping requires such tremendous physical effort for you, you really need to take some action. Exercise. Eat more prunes. Something.



  • A note to all would-be criminals: Don't attempt to rob the same place that you got sent to prison for previously robbing.

  • Oh, what a bunch of wimps are the CPSC. Snapping swing set chains help to keep kids on their toes.

  • The perfect gift for the budding actor or actress.

  • You would think that someone with a name like Robert Kumpost would want to avoid high schools.

  • Here's something I've learned over the years: Anything accompanied by the Benny Hill theme song is funny.
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