Did I mention that I'm writing a book? It's an absolute mess at the moment, but I am almost finished with a (very) rough draft of the first of the novel's four parts.
This morning I happened to run a quick word count on what I've got so far: 5,347 words.
"That doesn't seem like much," I thought.
That's about two weeks of work. Maybe I can write books for people with short attention spans.
I need a trunk monkey.
That reminds me of a story from when I was a very small child (to the extent that this story goes beyond my own recollection -- which generally only extends a few weeks).
My dad reportedly decided it would be fun to take his son to one of those drive-through zoos, and piled himself, his wife and their son into his small vinyl-topped Datsun.
My dad has always been very good about following rules, so he understood why there were numerous signs at the park asking visitors not to feed the animals. But as a journalist, he also understood that a disturbingly large number of people are complete idiots. This point was underlined when monkeys attacked his car, hungry for the treats that so many other cars had provided.
His son was reportedly delighted by the goings on.
A few days later, my dad found himself standing in front of a claims adjustor, trying to explain that the damage caused to his vinyl roof had been caused by monkeys with a serious case of the munchies.
"I have no idea what coding system I'm supposed to use for that," the claims adjustor said.
Claire Adams, however, would have understood. Then a police officer would likely have shown up and commanded her to "Put down the monkey and step away."
And yet, he'll probably score more votes than Dennis Kucinich.
Probably not looking forward to this summer's Republican convention: these guys.
Listen now and thank me later. Here's an MP3 of the song "Rodeohead" by Hard n' Phirm. Think Radohead; think bluegrass; think genius!
Almost as good as Beatallica.
Chuck Connor now has a drinking story that will be hard to beat.