Saturday, June 5, 2004

Chicks and ducks and geese better scurry

  • I would like to propose a toast to the crazy old man pedalling a one-man surrey bicycle down Highway 5 today while I was on the way to the office this morning. Choosing to pedal your dork-mobile on a stretch of road that has no shoulder was truly a stroke of genius. I applaud your faith in St. Paul drivers' ability and desire to avoid killing you.

  • Somebody has watched just one too many episodes of the "The A Team."

  • Wait just a minute! That vagina is not up to code.

  • The problem with the candy cigarettes we used to get at the 7-Eleven when I was a boy was the fact that they didn't cause cancer. Now someone has fixed that problem.

  • "Unfortunately he never did have the ability or the skills to really be a mayor."

  • Talk about cruel and unusual punishment: "I think they should be locked in a room and have to watch the whole series of the 'Andy Griffith Show'..."

  • And people say the media never report good news.

  • Janet Jackson's mind may or may not be sexual, but it's certainly not functioning properly. Strawberry? Damita Jo? A crush on Barry Manilow?

  • The mysterious Professor Wrestling reveals the actual names of pro wrestlers.

  • The equally mysterious tale of an enormous dead sturgeon.
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