Tuesday, July 20, 2004

I got soul but I'm not a soldier

  • I think I may have mentioned that I finally finished reading "Mammoth" last week. I started reading this, but almost immediately recognized it as something I was going to enjoy it about as much as excessive earwax. So I've started in on Kurt Vonnegut's "Jailbird" (ya like the way I worked three Amazon links into a single paragraph? Go me), which was basically shoved into my hands by my friend, Eric.
    At the front of the book, there are all these really great blurbs that are almost intimidating: "A dazzling and virtuoso achievement by one of our finest literary natural resources." -- It kind of makes you sit there and think: "Man. Am I smart enough to read this book? Perhaps I should just set this thing down and go back to the Garfield compilations before I hurt somebody."
    And then I started to think about what sort of blurbs could possibly be offered up for my books (should one eventually be written and then eventually published). I reckon you'd have to sell my books at the airport, hoping to capitalize on the desperation of people who are bored to tears: "(Cope's) writing is easily more engaging than the nutrition facts on a package of pretzels;" "More entertaining than reading the 'USA Today Weekend Edition' on a Sunday."

  • Years ago, I worked for a very short time as an assignment editor at a television news station in San Diego. Once, while doing beat checks -- calling all local law enforcement to ask if anything of interest is taking place -- I was informed that a man had been beaten that day with a plastic duck.
    "A plastic duck?" I asked.
    "Yeah. Like a lawn ornament thing," the watch commander said.
    "What an odd weapon," I said.
    "Yeah. I guess sometimes you just gotta use whatever's available," he said.
    Indeed -- sometimes you just gotta use whatever's available.

  • Are we sure it wasn't just Linda Ronstadt's music that caused the riot?

  • Attention Canadians: Are you going to stand for this? Stand up for yourselves! Will you abandon hockey next?

  • The people of Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch will not be happy to hear about this.
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