Wednesday, September 15, 2004

Blame Clinton

  • My mother-in-law doesn't like Democrats very much. She takes her dislike of Democrats and, by extension, liberals, to an art form. Her all-time least-favorite liberal/Democrat/evil-doer is Bill Clinton -- she likes to blame Clinton for just about everything.
    The 41st president is to blame for: America's poorly structured and insufficient health care system; the current weak economy; security lapses that missed warning signs for 9-11; and probably -- I haven't talked to her in a while -- this.
    Personally, I would like to see Clinton embrace the role of national scapegoat. I mean, wouldn't it be great to have someone to blame for all the things that are wrong in your life? And every week or so, Clinton would come on national television and sincerely apologize for what he's done. He would bite his lip and say something like: "I'm truly sorry that the Dallas Cowboys' offense is so weak. I'm also really sorry that China is so big. And I ask your forgiveness over my being responsible for Toby Keith's career."
    And then MSNBC and Fox could fill hours and hours with special reports: "Bill Clinton: Can He Be Stopped?"

  • Oh, say it ain't so, Tracey.

  • Note to criminals: When stealing a car it is important that you first know how to drive a car.

  • How unsurprising is it that this guy got arrested for marijuana possession.

  • I am wetting my pants in anticipation.

  • You know, one of the signs of steroid abuse is uncontrollable anger.

  • Lately I've been feeling that I need a new "About Me" paragraph. But, due to the transgressions of the Clinton administration, I can't think of anything good. Any suggestions?
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