Tuesday, September 21, 2004

Please don't humiliate me

  • I feel sick to my stomach. As I post this, the Minnesota Vikings are set to take on the Philadelphia Eagles in Monday Night Football. Those of you who don't follow (American) football may not understand why every Viking fan has been on edge today. After all, this is only the second game of the season.
    Hitherto, us Viking fans have noticed that networks always send their B-team announcers to deliver commentary on our games. We've noticed, also, that they never have anything good to say about any of the Vikings players except Randy Moss.
    Monday Night Football -- MNF, as it is known -- is a team's chance to earn some national credibility. It is the only game on; everyone in the country (that cares about [American] football) is watching. The Vikings' last foray into the MNF arena saw us limping away from a humiliating loss to Baltimore.
    We're a little nervous.
    This time around, we're a better team. We have one of the best quarterbacks in the league (who I feel is underrated even by Viking fans), more receivers than just Randy Moss, and a defense that's eager to prove itself after a weak start. But Philadelphia is a notoriously difficult place to play. The fans are famously abusive toward opposing players. And never mind that the actual team is good.
    Most of the pundits are inching Philadelphia into the win column, but there are a lot of variables. Vikings fans know we could actually win this one, and it would be an especially sweet victory after the complete breakdown of our most bitter rivals Sunday.
    But we also know that the Vikings could completely fall apart because of the pressure. They've done it before. So all I ask is that the Vikings not make fools of themselves and their fans. I'm OK with a loss, I really am. Just, for the love of God, man, please don't embarrass me out there.

  • That reminds me of a totally pointless story.
    Several years ago, my friend, Heidi, and I were travelling cross-country and stopped at a Perkins restaurant in Indiana. I was acting stupid, as usual, and Heidi pointed to a table of people wearing Navy uniforms (in Indiana? Yeah, we never figured that out).
    "You're embarrassing me in front of the United States Navy," she said.

  • Google wants me as its pimp. I successfully pawned off two Gmail invites this past week, so Google has given me two more. I still have six invites to dispatch. Let me know if you are interested.

  • Will the owner of a Cold War-era nuclear weapon please come to lost and found?

  • What's a holiday without an emergency airlift?

  • Ladies, if a guy shows up at your door carrying this book you may want to be wary of his intentions.

  • If you are a broadband Internet user, you know more useless crap than your dial-up pals. Congratulations.

  • You know, I'm not at all surprised that Macaulay Culkin was arrested. My question is this: What the hell was he doing in Oklahoma?
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