Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Car talk

Vehicles that I have owned:
  • 1969 Ford F250 pickup truck
  • 1989 Ford Mustang
  • 1991 GMC Sonoma pickup
  • 1993 Saturn SL2
  • 1994 Ford Escort
  • 2000 Ford Ranger pickup

    The F250 was actually a pretty good truck. I bought it for $400, and the only real work I had to put into it came when I replaced the plug wires after they were ripped out by a guy named Scott because I stole his girlfriend. Considering that he was a hockey player, the $30 plug wires were a small price to pay.
    The passenger door would occasionally pop open, the seatbelts were inadequate, and there were holes in the floorboard, but it was a good, reliable automobile until I ran it into a tree. It still ran after hitting the tree (this thing was a tank), but the transmission stuck. In September 1994, I sold it for $60 scrap.

    The Mustang was a convertible. My dad helped me buy it after I finally graduated high school, just six months after the rest of my classmates. One day I opened it up to 150 mph and was overcome by a rare fit of intelligent thinking: "Oh man, I am gonna kill myself with this thing." I traded it in for the Sonoma.

    The Sonoma was a great truck. My ex-girlfriend used to accuse me of loving that truck more than her. It took me from New York to San Francisco and all points in between -- through three countries and 26 states. I credit that truck with helping to woo my wife, who was initially not very interested in me but enjoyed going for rides around Lake Tahoe. Some of my favorite memories come from when my friend, Jim, and I would sit around working on it. It was stolen in March 2001 and I actually cried.

    The SL2 I picked up through marriage -- I married a hot chick and took on her $230-a-month car payment. On my wedding day, my brother looked at the car, sitting in front of Rachel's parents' house, and said: "You are now leaving Coolsville."
    The car started acting up in early 2002 but, thanks to $2,000 in repairs, we were able to get it to limp all the way to March 2003, when we gleefully offloaded it to Rachel's used car salesman uncle.

    The Escort I bought from Rachel's parents. It had previously been used by each of Rachel's three younger sisters in getting to and from high school. I bought it because I didn't have any money but didn't feel like we could trust the SL2 to hold up. In a classic example of why my buddy Jim is infinitely cooler than you will ever be, he drove Rachel and I from San Diego to St. George (450 miles) to pick it up.
    Just because I bought the car doesn't mean that I liked it, and apparently the feeling was mutual because it started acting up almost immediately. In July 2002 it broke down, leaving us stranded in the middle of nowhere.
    It broke down again, for good, in August of this year. We donated it to the Minnesota Vietnam Veterans -- something I feel tremendously bad about because I like veterans.

    The Ranger was bought in March 2003, and, after having gone two years without driving a manual transmission or a pickup truck, I was delighted. I finally had a pickup again and it was mine, you hear me! Mine! All mine! Bwhahahaha! I proudly put a Welsh flag sticker on the back and took pictures to e-mail to my friends.
    When my wife's Escort tanked, I had to teach her how to drive the pickup -- it became our pickup.
    Lately, the "Check Gages" light has been going off at random intervals.

    I would like to point out that with the exception of the 25-year-old vehicle I ran into a tree, the only vehicles I've owned that have had problems are the vehicles that my wife has driven. I'm not trying to say anything, of course. I'm just making an observation.
  • No comments: