Two people have e-mailed me this story today, suggesting that now is the time for me to step up and fill the void.
I suspect that literally hundreds of people are scrambling to send letters to the Miami Herald in hopes of taking Barry's coveted slot as One Of The Greatest American Humorists Of All Time; as if such a moniker could simply bestowed and not earned through years of hard work. What a bunch of dopes.
Of course I'm gonna be one of them. Any suggestions as to what I should say to the powers that be at the Herald?
Perhaps I should list the reasons why I'm better than Dave Barry:
- I work cheap.
- No cumbersome following of several million rabidly loyal readers.
- I can rope in the untapped Welsh niche.
As Barry's replacement, it would definitely fall on me to alert readers to stories like this one.
In this story about a Bushy visit to the Quaker State, look at the list of things you can and cannot bring to the rally; "weapons" seems to be an afterthought, showing up eighth on the list.
Sometimes you can pick up subtle hints from people that they have been living in a rough neighborhood a little too long: "I look down and he's got a big .22 chroma black shotgun."
It is definitely wabbit season in Louisiana.
Actual town name: Cooter (7th graf).
Nothing says "responsible journalism" like a story encouraging people to run to Mexican flu shot clinics.
Bakersfield, Calif. Has been listed as the Cough and Cold Capitol of the United States. But how was this fact determined? By sales of cough medicine. Hmm...
Listen to this now.
This is kind of cool. You can listen to old American radio programs online for free. Sadly, there is no link for "Fibber McGee and Molly."