Tuesday, October 12, 2004

A Scottish country dancin' fool

Jenny, I'm sure it will ease your troubled mind to know that we do a bit of the whooping and hollering you mentioned, although not nearly enough for my liking. But I am realizing that I will face a few problems as time goes on.

Problem No. 1: I have trouble learning new things. When I was a schoolboy, they tried and tried to determine some sort of learning disorder for me but to no avail. According to all modern tests (or tests that were modern at the time), there is nothing wrong with my brain, I'm just lazy.
In fact, I do have a learning disability. It is this: When people try to tell me to do things, I want to punch them. Perhaps we can call it Extreme Anti-Authority Disorder.

Problem No. 2: As a result of my EAD, I am dumb as a post. I am still wrestling with the whole "it's not square dancing" thing. Steps are only explained once and I'm left to stand there asking aloud: "Wait. Are we doing this with that same step as before? How do we know that? Did she say that? If she doesn't say things, how are we supposed to know to do them?"

Problem No. 3: The "she" in the previous problem area is the class instructor. She is crap at explaining what she's doing. If you are teaching precise physical steps, you cannot use words like, "kinda," "sorta," and "over here," as in: "After you do the reel you kinda move over here and sorta turn back." Argh! It's the morning after my SCD class and I still have a headache from clenching my jaw in frustration.

But, hey, I get to wear a kilt. So, I'll be going back next week. Perhaps in the meantime, I'll try to teach myself how to sorta move over here with a kinda prance.


Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

I wish you had your own afternoon show on ABC. You can take Ellen's 3pm slot, and you can probably use her set as well. You can integrate your Scottish dancing, awkward silences, shouted monologues, impressions, rope-climbing, guest interviews, your trademarked leprechaun parade dancing, pointed harangues and impromptu footraces. I will watch and write long rambling letters of complaint to your boss, in which I will refer to you as "Ted Willoughby, That Flying Bug."

Chris Cope said...

Man, it's been so long since I've done any leprechaun parade dancing -- I wonder if I could remember how. I know I put one hand at the small of my back and wave with the other, but I can't remember what I'm supposed to do with my feet.