Friday, December 3, 2004

54,010 words and done (sorta)

  • BOOK UPDATE: At 12:20 a.m. on St. Andrews Day, I (sorta) finished writing my novel, thus (partially) completing the biggest project of my life thus far. Yeah, I've led a pretty uneventful life.
    Dude. I wrote a fucking book!
    I am using caveats in all this "my book is finished" stuff because there is still quite a bit of editing to do -- on this section especially. I think the excitement of knowing that it would mean the completion of the book caused me to rush through writing the fourth part. I need to go back and make it, you know, good. I've already started down that road and will have the whole of next week off from work to focus on it.
    This fourth part is basically a reworking of a short story that I attempted to get published four years ago. It was shot down by a handful of publications and I decided that it should be shelved after asking Esther's opinion on it.
    Bless her heart, she is too kind to have told me flat out that it is awful (and, trust me, it is). She simply suggested that perhaps I should read more books -- paying attention to their style -- so as to get a better hang of telling a story in written form.
    The short story was a reworking of a monologue I like to tell when drinking with friends (and therein lies the explanation for the title of my book). I had written it out as little more than a script for a story that relied heavily on my physical comedy. That's great in the bar, but doesn't work at all if you've never met me.
    From that short story (about 6,000 words) I was able to carry over only one joke to the fourth section of the book. The joke is this: "Ask him if he'll teach us how to grow corn." You must purchase the book for the set-up.
    If you know of anyone who can facilitate that whole publishing thing, let me know. Either next week or over the Christmas holiday I plan to write up proposals to send to publishers and agents.
    I don't reckon 54,010 (probably a few more by the time I get everything properly edited) words is a whole hell of a lot. I think it just barely nudges me into the novel category. Perhaps I should call it a novella and it will be cheaper when (if) it is published. See? I care about you, the consumer.

  • This morning, as I was getting ready for work, "Just One of the Guys" was on Comedy Central. Remember the good old days, when you were 14 and would sit through watching the whole film on Showtime, just to see Joyce Hyser's breasts at the end?
    Uhm. Just me on that one? OK.

  • Alabama: America's progressive state.

  • Jonathan Boksberger needs to find himself a less boneheaded fiancee.

  • Mmmm, thievery.

  • Terror reigns in the South.

  • Informing The Nation: www.filmwisconsin.org, a site for filmmakers, offers Hollywood to come bimplode it up.

  • Informing The Nation Part II: Two home invasions on the Southside Thursday night within 30 minutes of each other resulted one of the alleged robbers being shot and the three arrests.
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