Monday, January 17, 2005

Corpus Christi is nice this time of year

  • Rob Blair, kiss your career goodbye. Of course, if he were 20 years old and had been born into a life of extreme privilege, people might try to explain it away as a boyish mistake.
    Several years ago, an erstwhile coworker of mine was found to be responsible for a CG* that labeled President George W. Bush as "Motherfucking Cocksucker." In his defense, he did not mean to call GW a motherfucking cocksucker, it was effectively a technical mistake brought on by exhaustion and frustration and exasperation and all the other emotions that make television news such a crap business. It was compounded by the fact that he was going through a very messy break-up. He was on-air talent and after his segment went into commercial, the main anchor turned to him and shook his hand: "It was a pleasure working with you."
    His phone was ringing when he got back to his office and he was unemployed before the newscast went off the air. After a good year of searching he was finally able to start rebuilding his career in the small-market news backwater that is Corpus Christi, Texas.
    I would suspect, however, that Rob Blair faces a much more uphill climb. He may want to consider the merits of a career in washing machine sales.

  • I picked up a ninth rejection to my book Saturday and I've decided I will no longer keep tabs via my blog. It's depressing. Feel free to help me in writing a blurb for the "About Me" section on the right.

  • When I think of culinary brilliance, the first two things that come to mind are ground beef and cinnamon rolls from a can.

  • So the British singles chart this week was topped by Elvis, who also came in at No. 10. And Iron Maiden came in at No. 8?! At this point, don't you think it would be a good idea to abandon the British singles chart? Clearly it's no longer relevant.

  • As you know, those of us taking part in the Global Media Conspiracy (a Zionist Domination Scheme® subsidiary) not only hate America, but all things right and good. As such, we wager on death. Actually, we're so evil, we don't wager. We just keep tabs on who's best at predicting celebrity deaths for the upcoming year and take simple pleasure in their departing this mortal coil. I performed horribly for 2004. Hopefully, this year, the sweet release of death will touch more of my picks. Here's my list:
    1) Pope John Paul II --- 05/18/1920
    2) Gordon B. Hinckley --- 06/23/1910
    3) Rev. Billy Graham --- 11/07/1918
    4) Fidel Castro --- 08/13/1926
    5) Queen Elizabeth II --- 04/21/1926
    6) Gerald Ford --- 07/13/1913
    7) Boris Yeltsin --- 02/01/1931
    8) George H. W. Bush (the elder) --- 06/12/1924
    9) Jimmy Carter --- 10/01/1924
    10) Bob Dole --- 07/22/1923
    11) Terry Bolea (Hulk Hogan) --- 08/11/1953
    12) Dustin Runnels (Goldust) --- 04/11/1966
    13) Richard Morgan Fliehr (Ric Flair) -- 02/25/1949
    14) Eldridge Wayne Coleman ("Superstar Billy Graham) --- 09/10/1943
    15) Brett "The Hitman" Hart --- 07/02/1957
    16) Barret Robbins --- 08/26/1973
    17) Jerry Lewis --- 03/16/1926
    18) Mike Wallace --- 05/09/1918
    19) Hunter S. Thompson --- 07/18/1939
    20) Kurt Vonnegut --- 11/11/1922

    *A CG is that little graphic that pops up under a person in a news story and tells you their name or where that person is, etc. CG is short for "Chyron graphic," the system they used to use to put graphics on the screen. I don't think there are a lot of TV stations around anymore that use Chyron, but the name has stuck.

    noisy ghost said...

    What? What? WHAT!?!?!?!?

    Are you saying that Jerry Lewis is still ALIVE?!?!?!?!?

    Greg said...

    The catch is that he doesn't know he is Jerry Lewis anymore.

    Cheekysquirrel said...

    If this is your first novel I wouldn't be worrying about agents too much yet anyways. Finish the book. Leave it a month. Go back and reread it. Change it. Then submit it.

    Doesn't matter if it is accepted or not.

    That first book is the one the critics go back to and say "As you can see he hadn't reached the genius we all know him for just yet, he was still experimenting with his award winning style at this stage" and such like.

    Chris Cope said...

    Bless your heart, Cheeky, for your positive spin -- I'm not a shite writer, I'm just experimenting with style. Brilliant.

    noisy ghost said...

    Hey, your profile is mistaken. I DID read your syndicated column, on at least one occasion. You've got to think positive. No one likes a poopy pants.