Monday, February 28, 2005

I need a sandwich in here

  • You know that Destiny's Child song "Soldier?" The next time you hear it, in your head replace the word "soldier" with "sandwich."

  • Assuming Wales can avoid screwing things up against Scotland (which is, admittedly, a big assumption to make), it looks as if a major battle is set for the day before my birthday, when Wales will face Ireland and the Six Nations cup will be on the line.
    And I am incredibly upset that I didn't find a place to watch Saturday's defeat of France. Of course a match I don't see would be called "one of the great performances of the past three decades." Reportedly the best part came in the last five minutes when the Welsh defense just held and held and held. I am a big fan of defense; I think it's actually more exciting to watch than offense.

  • Can Gwen Stefani please die in a plane crash now? She's a pretty lady and I wouldn't mind keeping her in a closet for personal use, but the odds are that's not going to happen. So, it's time to just bite the bullet and have her private jet crash into a mountain. She's had her run; it's time for this silliness to stop. If her plane could crash into Jamie Foxx's mansion, that would be even better.

  • There is something seriously askew with your understanding of the world and your place in it when you refer to cancer as "my 9/11." An increasingly manageable disease compared with a national tragedy. Sure. From now on, all my hangovers will be known as "my personal Rwanda."

  • Whatever happened to Jessica McClure? The girl that fell down a well. Anyone know? She doesn't appear to have a blog.

  • According to this fancy little life-expectancy calculator, I'm supposed to live to be 90 years old. So, as of 20 days from now, I will have exactly 61 years left on this planet (that's a hint, kids). That's comforting to know, I suppose. Although, Old Horsetail Snake has already given away the secret to long life: "Wake up every morning."
    When I was a boy they told me I'd grow up to be 5-foot-10; I'm 6-foot-1. So, perhaps I can milk a few more years out of my life and make it an even 100. Maybe by 2076 Minneapolis-St. Paul will have an adequate public transportation system.
    Strangest question in the survey: "Do you have a bowel movement at least once every two days?"
    TWO DAYS WITHOUT POOPING?! Good gracious!
  • 2 comments:

    noisy ghost said...

    You really should break some of this into several posts. There's too much funny in here for just one. I pasted it over to a word document and will comment on the seperate bits:

    Saturday defeated France, now? Who hasn't defeated France?

    "Crash into Jamie Foxx's mansion."
    LOL

    "My personal Rwanda"
    LOLTIPM UR2funny

    Nope. No problem with the bowels. (see the above LOLTIPM)

    Chris Cope said...

    My favorite chat speak: OMGWTFBBQ!