Monday, February 21, 2005

Thank you, Jeebus

  • Cripes, I hate automobiles.
    We have only one of them -- my pickup -- and this winter has been especially hard on it. This morning I went out to discover that the left rear wheel had locked up completely. The Google-search consensus was that something in the wheel was frozen and a bit of heat would cure it. But I park my truck out on the street. Shy of running several hundred meters of extension cord and hooking up a hair dryer, there wasn't much I could do.
    My wife took a cab to work -- $50 -- and I informed my benevolent employer that I would be working from home today. I am capable of working from home every day, but they are dead set against this because it would make me happy.
    During my lunch break, I went back out to the truck and crawled underneath to see if there was any visible ice that I could break loose. Nope. So I put my feet up on the hitch and started trying to rock the truck. As I was doing this, I thought: "Come on, Lord. Let me slide on this -- I don't have any cash to have this thing towed to a garage."
    And The Lord Almighty Our God In Heaven, or, perhaps, my better judgment, said: "What kind of dumb-ass are you?! You are sitting underneath a pickup and trying to get it to move. Get the hell out from under there."
    And I looked up and saw that if the car had moved, the rear differential likely would have sheared off my face. As I was crawling out from underneath, I caught my arm on a wire and I heard a little "click" come from the wheel. I had pulled the parking brake wire. I jiggled it a bit more, getting the release to click a few more times, and suddenly I had a car that could move again. In response, I let out a full-on Ric Flair "Woooo!" and frightened a woman who was walking by.

  • I want one of these shirts.

  • I find this amusing. Bid on other people's lost luggage.

    noisy ghost said...

    Where did you get that picture? I want a picture like that.

    Crystal said...

    this may be a stupid question considering i know nothing about cars and have lived in texas my entire life where...but, how come you didn't use a bucket of hot water?

    Chris Cope said...

    That's not a stupid question; I saw it suggested elsewhere. But the high temperature yesterday was 23. I was worried that attempting to dislodge ice using water, even hot water, would just leave me with more ice.