Monday, April 4, 2005

Vince McMahon owes me four hours of my life

  • My wife and I went over to a friend's house Sunday night to watch Wrestlemania 21 with a group of people. My overall impression of the event can be summed up in four words: Huge Pile Of Suck.
    It really says something about a four-hour event when the most memorable moment came from a wrestler's entrance. HHH came up through the floor as Motörhead played "The Game."
    Most of the matches were throwaway crap that I would click away from if it were on regular TV. Eddie Guerrero and Rey Mysterio started things off with a match that was so piss poor we were just begging for it to end. Rey's mask kept coming loose and he had to readjust it after EVERY move. How convincing of a bump is it that you have apparently been hit so hard that you can't move, but not hard enough that you still have the presence of mind to consider your appearance? Things just went downhill from there, with Hulk Hogan charging out to beat up an Arab, a six-man ladder match that looked like it had been put together earlier that morning solely for the purpose of having Shelton Benjamin pull off a cool running-up-a-ladder trick, and a championship match between JBL and John Cena that was easily the weakest and most forgettable championship match in the history of wrestling.
    The strongest matches were HBK vs. Kurt Angle, and HHH vs. Batista, the success of the latter resting solely on the shoulders of HHH who was trying so hard to get Batista over that it was just a little sad. Any time a top player goes for the blade it just kind of cheapens the whole match. And Batista was starting to tire after about 10 minutes. I can't believe they gave the title to a guy who makes HHH look like he has stamina.
    Angle, on the other hand, faced the same old problem of being so good that he can't find an adequate opponent. Having been a legitimate athlete, Angle suffers from too much stamina. He sort of schooled HBK and accidentally made it look a little too easy. We were joking that if Angle were to go against Batista it would have to be some sort of stipulation match that required Angle to run around the ring three times after every move he delivers.
    I didn't think about this until I was reading through the HBK bio that I linked to above, but considering that one of his biggest pushes came when he screwed Bret Hart and they played it that Hart had tapped, could it be that in tapping out to Angle Michaels was paying homage to Hart at Wrestlemania 21? At the end of the match he rolled out of the ring and seemed to thank the crowd as if it were his last match. Of course, we've all been waiting for Michaels' last match for years. Hoping he will be the one smart guy to bow out with dignity. None of them ever do.

  • Meanwhile, there may be hope for my chances of again being able to watch "Raw." The program is returning to USA Network, which means nothing to me because my $8-a-month cable doesn't offer that channel either. But the Spanish-language "Raw" will air on Telemundo, which I do have. I need to start brushing up on my Spanish.
    NBC will also air at least two 90-minute wrestling programs a year, which sounds really cool but will, in fact, probably suck. Instead of working to expand their audience in those specials, I have no doubt that the WWE will instead spend the whole time trying to promo their next worthless pay-per-view.

  • Here's something amusing that I found on Kurt Angle's personal Web site. At the very bottom it says: "Any use of materials without concent is strickly prohibited."

  • I apologize if all this wrestling talk is of little or no interest to you. If you were a member of the air hockey community you would complain that I am not "properly looking through the eyes of (my) readers."

  • Add filthiness to your Welsh stereotype.

  • Well, shit. This is so inconvenient. I was supposed to return my tux on Saturday. Now I'll have to pay a late fee.

  • This weekend was beautifully warm (68F/20C -- that's blazing hot in Minnesota spring), which meant that everyone in Saint Paul flocked to get ice cream. After two years of living just a few blocks away, we finally checked out Izzy's where I was instantly smitten by their Guinness-flavored ice cream. Of course, I bought it on principle, but it was surprisingly good.

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Let's see. You wore a tux to watch phony wrestlers on TV? What'd you wear to air hockey, spats?

    Does your wife know you're sick?

    Astrid said...

    Guinness-flavored ice cream? I want two, please! Oh, and that's to go!

    Chris Cope said...

    You bet, Astrid. I just hope they don't melt on their way to the Netherlands.

    Geraint Criddle said...

    Tidy? Want to talk tidy first, mun.

    Astrid said...

    Nope, I got it well frozen, and with the cream and cherry still perfectly on top! Thanks, Chris, it was yummy!