Friday, May 27, 2005

Ten things I have not done (but would like to do)

I'm stealing a page from Dave, who is stealing a page from everyone else, in listing things I have never done. But there are plenty of things I haven't done that I have no intention of doing (I have never cut off one of my fingers), so here -- in no particular order of importance -- is a list of things I hope to eventually accomplish:

1) I have never been to Japan -- or any part of Asia, for that matter. Apparently Tokyo's population is just shy of 13 million. That's almost half the population of Canada all packed into a little area. I sure as hell don't want to live there, but I'd love to be amidst it all for a while.
The same is true of China. One billion people. Good Lord, that's a lot of people. I'd really like to visit before the United States declares war on them.

2) I have never run a marathon. The fact that I was able to go running just two days after finishing a half-marathon has me thinking this is an achievable goal. I have yet to decide on whether I want to train to run the full marathon in Fargo next year, though. I also have visions of running in the London Marathon. Some 35,105 people completed that race this year. That is a massive river of people, a small city, all moving along en masse. It would be pretty cool to be in the middle of it.

3) I have never had a book published. I'm working on that one. Talk to me in a few months.

4) I have never gone skiing in the Alps. I have heard that doing this is a ridiculously good time. I haven't done a hell of a lot of skiing since I sold my skis to cover a bounced check when I was 19, but have dreams of getting back into it. The problem stems from the cost -- skis are expensive, dude. And rental skis suck.

5) I have never completely rebuilt a pickup truck. I want to do this for two reasons: 1) For the sense of accomplishment; 2) My level of hatred for car mechanics* is rather high -- among groups not wanting to kill me (obviously, anyone who wants me dead, like a terrorist, is more despised by me than people who simply want to lie to me and take my money), car mechanics rank among the top ten.

6) I have never owned a home. I am getting old that this is creeping in on my list of priorities. Sometimes I can't decide which I want more -- a cabin or a house. Right now I lean more toward a cabin (by the lake; we have a lot of lakes in Minnesota). I take this is as a sign I am not yet too far gone.

8) I have never liked my teeth. I was going to say that my teeth have never been straight, but I assume they were at one point; before I took a picnic table to the face at age 5 (I was dancing in joy at the novelty of Chicken McNuggets). Follow this up with street curbs, baseballs, fists and what dentists call "occlusion" and you end up with a grill of true American South quality ("Hoo-wee, take the gun off the gun rack, we's goin' into town!"). I dream of the third item on this list turning out so well that I have enough money to rebuild my higgledy-piggledy mouth. Last I checked, doing so would require upward of $10,000 and two years of wearing braces.

9) I have never seen the polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba. Polar bears, man. Big, cuddly machines of death. They're so cute and funny and they will hunt and eat people. How can you not want to visit them? It seems like a very old-person thing to do, though -- getting in a bus and driving out to the middle of nowhere to see animals you can see at the zoo. The same part of me that wants to do this is the part that wants to take a first-class train trip across India or Australia or learn how to golf.

10) I have never had to shoo away an ex-girlfriend who has turned up to beg me to take her back. This will never happen. A man can dream, though.

*I should clarify. I don't hate car mechanics, my brother's friends are mechanics and I like them a lot. I hate mechanics I don't know, and I especially hate this modern trend of having some sort of mechanic-customer middle man that you run into at dealerships.


Thomas said...

I have never written a list of "ten things that I have not done yet (but would like to do)."

The Fashion Diva said...

Wow! The London Marathon - how ambitious of you! I do between 4 and 8 miles nearly everyday but I don't know that I could finish a full marathon.

I would have liked to have been at the one in London though as it went through many of my "old haunts" from when I lived there.

Astrid said...

I hope you manage to do all things of your list, we only live once, so we don't want any regrets, right?

And maybe a few elements of your list can be combined, like say publish a book in Japan, while you run the London Marathon, or watch the polar bears in Churchill, Manitoba, while one of your ex-girlfriends in China begs you to take her back and in return she will award you with a house by a lake in Minnesota!

Dave Morris said...

Higgledy piggledy. Great term, I've never heard it, made me laugh! Then cry, as I realized how much money I've spent in the past two years on my daughter's braces.