There is a guy at the headquarters of my benevolent employer who regularly stands and talks close to my worker pod. I call him Löwenbräu, because he once declared it to be the greatest of all beers. If you are having a party, he will try to invite himself by offering to "bring the Bräu" (I wish I were making that up).
We all talk rubbish, it's part and parcel of the American corporate experience that we spend much of our day trying to decide whether Randy Moss is great or shit. But Löwenbräu is really loud and usually really wrong. He also uses conversational crutches (phrases or themes that he seems to always fall back on) that tend to annoy me -- that he hasn't got the time to do something; that he is old school.
I spent much of my morning trying to time it just right to audioblog one of his rants, but the timing was always off and I gave up after two hours (Löwenbräu is always running around and it takes about a minute to log into stupid Audioblogger). But so you don't feel like you've missed out, here's a sampling of what he talked about today:
- Billy Martin was one of the greatest baseball managers of all time. Remember him? He was back in the day.
- Hispanics like to eat the heads of pigs.
- "Shalom" is a cool word.
- Indians always say it's just tobacco in peace pipes, but Löwenbräu thinks they're lying.
- Löwenbräu's golf game was awful yesterday. He blames "sideways rain" (this was mentioned no less than five times during the day).
I'm happy to see that Mike Hancock held his seat in south Pompey. When he won in 1997, he came into the radio station where I worked for a post-election interview and brought champagne. To paraphrase Hoss, this is why I always vote Lib-Dem.
I was thinking today of that story from the Bible when Moses goes to see Pharaoh and turns his staff into a serpent. Unimpressed, Pharaoh has his magicians pull the same trick, but then Moses' staff/serpent chases all of Pharaoh's staff/serpents and swallows them up.
All this snake eating must have taken a damned long time. It's the sort of miracle that requires an incredibly long attention span. I don't think it would work today.