Thursday, May 12, 2005

You suck so much, MSNBC

  • According to some bonehead on MSNBC, the wonderfully named Operation Matador is part of a greater operation called Raging Bull. Not surprisingly, MSNBC is reporting something that no other news outlet is reporting. For those of you who are not members of the liberal relativist Global Media Conspiracy, this means that MSNBC is, in common parlance, "full of shit."
    I watch MSNBC for a grand total of seven minutes (sometimes less) each morning while eating breakfast. I watch MSNBC because I pay $5 for my basic cable and that's the news channel I'm given. Clicking through a legitimate news website isn't practical because my hands are busy forcing tea and toast down my gullet at that time.
    During that seven minutes (sometimes less), I always spot at least one error, be it technical or factual. MSNBC can't make it seven damn minutes without screwing up. SEVEN MINUTES! Don't you think that if you did the same thing every day you would be able to hold it together for a seven-minute stretch?!
    My favorite recent mistake: When an over-the-shoulder graphic identified finding the bodies of two dead girls as a "grizzly discovery." Ignoring their use of a tired cliché, they got it wrong. This is a grizzly discovery. Or this.

  • Because my priorities are in order, I didn't know that Tony Danza almost died until two days after the fact. But, I think I speak for every American when I say: Thank you Rusty Wallace for giving it your best effort.

  • British troops prepare for thumb war*.

  • My favorite catchphrase at the moment: "Guess what? I got a fever. And the only prescription is more cowbell."

  • For those of you wondering, today Löwenbräu spent a good deal of time discussing the Whizzinator, whether it is OK for Macaulay Culkin to sleep in Michael Jackson's bed, and the fact that the weather Wednesday was "cool. Not cold, but cool, you know? Not too bad. Just cool. Tomorrow's gonna be 45 and that's cold. There's no arguing that."

  • No stuffed animals?


    *Operation Fist of Fury, according to an MSNBC report.
  • 11 comments:

    Omega said...

    MSNBC probably got their fuckup from USMC units that operate in western Iraq. HMM-261 is a attack helo squadron nicknamed "Raging Bulls", and they've been doing support stuff for MATADOR. Also, they did a big change of command ceremony a few days ago, which probably raised the name. Typical.

    Geraint Criddle said...

    (alert: cultural relativism joke)

    Fanny packs. He he he...

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Why cheap cameras but not "professional" cameras? Are professional cameras too gristled?

    Crystal said...

    I just realized that you are not holding a maraca at all. The man behind you has a shirt on that LOOKS like a moving maraca. Ok, that was my epiphany for the day.

    Crystal said...

    And by the way...

    You pay $5 for basic cable. Assuming that there are 25 stations that are watchable, each station costs you 20 cents. Now, how much can you really expect from a 20 cent news show? hmm?

    traceofblistex said...

    I'm sure glad fanny packs are okay at that Music festival park!

    James said...

    Don't you think that if you did the same thing every day you would be able to hold it together for a seven-minute stretch?!

    Chris, man, look around you.

    Chris Cope said...

    Oh, yeah. Good point, Diego.

    Sareet said...

    Love your blog. Found you through Lindsay.

    I hate CNN too. The other day, they had one of their anchormen pretend to be a guy on the run and "caught on tape" how dogs can tract a human scent.

    CNN really lost me though, when Darrin Kagin (sp?) started wearing a short skirt and had half her leg up on the table. And when they used headlines like "Kerik Kerfluffle" and "Extreme Makeover" (story on Viktor Yushchenko)

    Chris Cope said...

    It's good to know I'm not missing anything Sareet. Who is that crap for?

    Astrid said...

    No stuffed animals? --> I think, they presume that not all animals are stuffed with cotton, they could be stuffed with -I don't know- flutes?

    And people who bring stuffed animals as such to this festival are breaking the rules even twice, coz as the sign says, no instruments and no stuffed animals!!!

    How many years in jail stands for this nowadays?