Here's a list of greatest Americans as compiled by the Discovery Channel program of the same name. The nominees for the list of 100 were submitted by the viewing public. As such the list contains George H.W. Bush, George W. Bush, Barbara Bush and Laura Bush. Indeed, a whopping 43 of those listed are still alive and considerably more were alive in the past half century. Some 230 years of history and the majority of our greatest Americans were alive in the last 50 years? The viewing public is so dumb.
Oh, and Pat Tilman? Pat Tilman?
The number of jokes that come from this headline are so numerous that I couldn't settle on one. Feel free to make suggestions in the comments field.
Not an Onion headline, but probably should be: "Salt Industry Says Americans Need More Salt In Diets"
"I said, 'Ya'll digging right by some cable lines; ya'll gonna cut the cable, phone line and everything else,'" Gene Garrick said. "They didn't say anything, kept digging, then sure enough they cut our telephone off. I come back and I said, 'Yeah, now you're probably gonna cut the water off,' and he said, 'Yeah, probably will.'"
I have a friend named Arlene. Every time I've read her name today, I've been reminded that I need to call her. I have not seen her in a month of Sundays because I am a shite friend.
More tropical storms/hurricanes should be named after my friends.
Actual pimp name: "Allmighty Supreme Mayo"