Friday, June 24, 2005

Employment history

  • Some random event got me thinking today about my glory days working as a jack of all trades at a TV station in Reno. I was eventually fired from that station. What I find odd -- now, so many years later -- is that I was able to stay on as long as I did. I worked there for a year and a half and in that time, I was guilty of (among other things) the following:
    -- Referred to the sales staff as "weasels."
    -- Called all reporters "monkey."
    -- Crashed a news jeep.
    -- Kicked a hole in the wall.
    -- Told an assignment editor that I could do a better job while drunk and masturbating.
    -- Threatened to beat up the general manager.
    I was fired after said general manager claimed I had threatened to kill the entire sales staff. He based this on an e-mail I sent to a friend, with the subject: "SALES MUST DIE" (yes, I made the classic mistake of using work e-mail for personal use and my employer was reading my e-mail -- I'm a dope). It didn't actually say anything about anybody dying in the content of the e-mail, but did manage to use variations of the word "fuck" 27 times. When I was rejected for unemployment (because I was fired) I made the lady who was rejecting me read that e-mail out to me, just because I knew she was in an office and it made her uncomfortable.
    Good times.

  • "(A) key member of al-Qaida in Iraq... was charging just $17 per bomb." -- Wow. At prices that low, I can't afford not to become an insurgent!

  • Take note, fellas: younger women are nothing trouble.

  • You win this round Germany. But don't let it go to your head. We were clearly outmanned in this fight.
    (Am I being too obscure here?)

  • Real life becomes a cartoon: "Equusearch has also asked about a dozen professional athletes to join in the search."
    The hell? Professional athletes?
    "Have you found anything, Randy Moss?"
    "No, man. How about you, Derek Jeter?"
    "No. I feel really bad about that. How'd your search of the island's brothels go, Allen Iverson?"
    "Well, I found somethin'. But it sure wasn't an 18-year-old girl from Alabama. I may go back there to check again, though."

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    It was good of you to ask about obscurity. Ans.: Yes.

    Everything else was nicely clear. As I get it, 12 professional athletes from Germany will be searching....

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Wait a minute, I missed something: If the Mustang Ranch opens at a NEW LOCATION and WITH A DIFFERENT NAME, why isn't it a Clydesdale?

    Curly said...

    Some people just need to be told that they are monkeys don't they?

    I think that you'd fit into the mould of our office staff quite easily. There's only my boss, one other and myself, averaging about 5 'fucks' per mail (fpm).

    Perhaps crashing a jeep is a bit excessive though...

    Good work!

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    I used your Wales town comments on my site today (Mond., 27th). Thanks, Chris.