Wednesday, June 29, 2005

Fish-eating drunks

  • A co-worker of mine (who lives in North Carolina) today mistakenly referred to Minnesotans as "cheese-eating drunks."
    "No, you're thinking of Wisconsin," I said. "We're fish-eating drunks."
    And then I started to envision a large map, with each state classified by what type of drunk they are:
    NORTH CAROLINA -- Pork-eating drunks
    TEXAS -- Barbecue-eating drunks
    MASSACHUSETTS -- Chowder-eating drunks
    UTAH -- There are no drunks

  • Counterculture is dead.

  • Paula Abdul tackles the important issues.

  • I am 351 months old (there's such a thing as a birth tree?).

  • Note to the makers of Swiss Miss pudding: I am a big fan of your product, but I find your packaging vexing. Every time I try to tear off the top part, it comes off in pieces. Then it gets all messy. Please fix your pudding lids so that they come off all in one piece. Thank you.

  • I found out Tuesday that my longtime friend Beth has a blog.
    I've known her for more than a decade, when the two of us were functionaries for a subsidiary of the evil empire. When I got bored in my role as the guy who hangs out in the freezer-cooler all day listening to ska music and doing his best to avoid talking to any customers, I would pick up a ham and go find Beth. She was usually doing some foolish thing like helping customers and making their day better. I would stand there patiently until the customer left, then I would extend the ham to her and sing "Hold My Ham," to the tune of the Hootie and the Blowfish hit "Hold My Hand." I would sing to her until she held my ham.
  • 6 comments:

    Curly said...

    That last paragraph made me laugh, quite hard infact!

    Also checked how old I was, 281 months apparently. Plus, I'm an Elm - the noble mindedness. I've also taken the liberty of inventing my birth tipple, which is straight triple vodka - clear (good communication), strong (...minded, stubborn), easy to get rid of but will probably turn up again later in the evening (hmmm..)

    Chris Cope said...

    I really like the idea of a birth tipple. I can't for the life of me guess what I would be.

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    All these years (74) I thought my Life Force number was 5. Do I get overs?

    Dave Morris said...

    The 494 months didn't make me feel old, surprisingly the 1,299,404,224 seconds did. A BILLION seconds. Shit.

    That site also told me who I am:
    "Unrelenting, strange and full of contrasts, often egoistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon, unexpected reactions, spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility, difficult and uncommon partner, not always liked but often admired, ingenious strategist, very jealous and passionate, no compromises."

    I wonder if there really is something to this whole horoscope thing, or if we just become Taureans (in my case) based on the expectations of our horoscope. Strangely accurate though. Except for all the bad stuff.

    Beth said...

    Hey Chris (James),

    I'm so glad that you finally chose to reveal our pork-related history to the world at large...I was getting an itch to post a comment on your blog about it! I didn't realize that we've known each other a decade now...that's scary!

    Astrid said...

    I am 724,867,342 seconds old. Damn, I sound old!