Friday, June 3, 2005

It's gettin' hot in here, so kick your husband

  • Hey, hey. I know a really lucky fella who will be putting in the window-unit air conditioner this weekend. Woo-hoo! Lucky me!
    To be honest with you, I am fine without air conditioning. The window unit is loud and runs up the electricity bill and means that I don't get to wake up to the sound of chirping birds. I kind of like just lying there without any sheets, feeling the warmth of summer evening envelope me, staying perfectly still -- doing my best to expend as little energy as possible; trying not to even think.
    The only poetry my wife sees in sleeping in a hot room, however, comes in haiku form:
    She's miserable.
    She hates being hot at night.
    She will kick my ass.

    When it is hot, she "sleeps" in fits of violence. She spins and lurches across the bed, driving her knee into the picture of spread-eagle serenity that is me. She slaps at my shoulders and sighs and growls. Occasionally, just in case I have missed the point, she will loudly announce: "Muh! It's hot!"
    "Yes, I know. Just relax. It's not that bad," I say.
    But she doesn't say anything back because she's, you know, "asleep." She's subconsciously spreading her misery far and wide. If I do not put in the window unit soon, she may sleepwalk next door and kick the neighbors in the throat.

  • One of the lines in Carrie Underwood's "Inside Your Heaven" is: "Every time I see you I'm alive."
    Well, yeah. What else would you be? The walking undead?

  • My eyes and my ears are bleeding.

  • Am I the only person who thinks Gordon Brown sounds more prime ministerial than Blair? Just go on and make the switch.

  • Hmm. Interesting. Actually, that would be a bad idea -- I have to run the next morning.

  • Toast art. I smell a niche market. Or maybe I just smell breakfast.

  • They say that one-third of all the Soul Coughing albums were bought by Minnesotans (I know I certainly have all the band's albums), so I feel almost required to link to the blog of Mike Doughty, who used to front the band. I am very slow on the take; he's been blogging since 2004.

  • I really like this picture.

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    I see you're going to win a prize in the 8K run. Pls. post picture of it. Thank you.

    Astrid said...
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    Astrid said...
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    Astrid said...

    Speaking of toast, have ever been here?:

    "Like many of you, we've seen the Mercedes-Benz commercial, "No One Ever Poses With Their Toaster." And, also like many of you, the first thought that occurred to us is, "This makes me want to pose with my toaster!"

    Why, haven't you ever thought, "I wish there was a web site that would post my toaster picture and then someone could rate my toaster picture!" Of course you have. We all have. And now, your wish has been granted!

    At, we want you to share your favorite toaster-posing picture, not only with us, but with millions of rabid toaster-posing fans all over the world. With a little luck and a lot of creativity, you might just win the coveted title of Pic O' The Week from our legions of discriminating voters. Good luck!"

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Chris: So what kind of scam is toaster poster?

    Astrid said...

    Sorry, I did not mean it as spam, but if it was spam, I think it belongs to the category food, food for thought .... and if you are what you eat, then in my case, I'd be sweet!

    Jenny said...

    Whenever I whinge about being too warm, the boy turns the duvet over for me so that the cool side is on the inside.

    I personally think this amazing bedroom trick should feature in the next issue of Cosmopolitan.

    Dave Morris said...

    Chris, you've inspired me. Two slices, with butter and jelly. Mmmmm...

    Jenny, I hope you do something really nice for the boy in return. That's what Cosmopolitician would recommend. ;-)