Monday, July 25, 2005

An open letter to The Game

Dear The Game,

I am writing to inform you that, quite frankly, I am not all that impressed by you. I question your authenticity, sir. This is a serious problem, I should think, as you are presenting yourself as a hip-hop stereotype and I am an easily duped white guy who grew up in the suburbs.

I have previously questioned your choice of moniker. Professional wrestler Paul Michael Levesque has used "The Game" name since 2002. Admittedly, it would be worse if you called yourself the Iron Sheik, but I would suggest in future that you do a quick Google search before choosing your hip-hop pseudonym.

In addition, I recently found this picture online, which would indicate that you were once made a fool of on a half-assed game show. Again, sir, I question your authenticity.

But my main problem is with your lyrics. They're pretty weak. Take for instance this simile used in your track "Dreams":

"My world turned black, like I was staring out of Stevie Wonder's glasses."

What? Have you had this line just sort of lying around in a notebook since you were in third grade? You appear to possess the same lyrical ability as Las Vegas staple impressionist Rich Little. Why not throw in a reference to Charo while you're at it? Cuchi-cuchi, The Game, you suck.

Secondly, the line doesn't even make sense. The problem is not with Stevie Wonder's glasses, it's his eyes what gone all wonky, mate. His choice of eyewear has nothing to do with his blindness. So, if you were indeed staring out Stevie Wonder's glasses, your world would not go black but instead a bit darkish and your eyes would be protected from dangerous UV rays.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

I'd sure like to play along, Chris, but I never heard of this people The Game, or whoever/whatever it is. Maybe I'll go look up one of your January posts and comment on that.

Dave Morris said...

I cizzay believe you is slamm'n The Game, Chrissizzle. He is real, he is passionizzles n he represents tha peoples music. Give tha funky ass dude a break, yo.

Just Me said...

I'm sure you could include many others under this same premise...just make it a fill in the blank form letter

dave-you go cracker!

Thomas said...

Chris, you should start referring to yourself as "The Chris." I have already started referring to myself as "The Thomas."