Wednesday, August 3, 2005

As you wish

Per Sara's request in a recent post, I have taken a number of character-based pictures:

The Pimp:
I'm suffering from a certain bling deficiency in this one, but my coat is 100 percent big pimpin'. I bought that coat for $20 at a thrift store in Reno, Nev., where I used to run a brothel (OK, half of that sentence is true). I dig the 70s porn lighting that this one seems to have.

I'm sorry if this one hurts your eyes, but nothing seemed more authentic than a shirt-off pose. I have the teeth of a NASCAR fan, but my beer is way too high class. I didn't have any Keystone Light in the house, and I wasn't about to go out and buy some just for the sake of a picture. Also, NASCAR fans probably don't wear Claddagh rings.

The Academe:
Easily the biggest stretch of my caricature ability, I'm not sure I look so much like an academic as I do a pseudo intellectual that sits in coffee shops. Imagine that something by Sartre is in my right hand. I used to listen to Joanna Newsom until she sold out.

The Pirate:
Avast thar! No jaunty scarf could be found, so I used a table runner. But check out my authentic pirate-type shirt as purchased at the Renaissance Festival last year. Of course, parrots are for worthless scurvy-infested scalawags, so I have a dolphin. Actually, it is my wife's dolphin. Its name is Dottie.


OldHorsetailSnake said...

Now we're talkin'!! The NASCAR pic is PERFECT for your column. Better than all those merkin-makers you showed us the other day.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, that pimp scares me that you can look like that!! I feel the urge to scrub the sleaze off of me after looking at it...

Thomas said...

The Sartre reference reminded me of how Dylan on "Beverly Hills 90210" use to carry around a book by Sartre too. That way we just knew he was a rebel.

Curly said...

The Pimp - Well, Beth is off 'scrubbing' herself right now, it scares me too.

NASCAR fan - I watched some NASCAR on TV with some Vermont locals last year, I fell asleep - only one was semi-naked, they definately all drank crap beer.

The Academe - I want to hit you for being so smug in that pic.

The Pirate - By far the greatest in my opinion, it makes me want to play the Cabin Boy and ravage the governors daughter.

Me said...

The Nascar one had me cracking up! Perfect.

Just because, a little FYI - I saw one of your articles on click on detroit and googled you (actually I yahoo-d you):~) Not in a crazy way though. I'm a journalism major and always like to read about how others made it. Anyway, I ended up here. Love it!

lfc said...

do you have a job?

Cheryl said...

You need a pimp hat.


Chris Cope said...

Me, quick! Switch majors! Earn a degree in something that's useful. When you learn that modern American journalism is a soulless and unhappy profession, you'll have that legitimate degree to fall back on.

Astrid said...

Haha .. I am loving you as a poser. So what kind of teeth does a Nascar-fan have?

Esther Wilberforce-Packard said...

I would like to take a moment to analyze these photos, Billay. A superficial analysis, yes, and an utterly unnecessary one.
Id of Chris - NASCAR
Ego of Chris - Intellectual (or, as he appears to me, Superior Guy Who Works at CompuServe)
Superego of Chris - Pirate

I don't know who this "pimp" is, and I am skeptical in regards to his ability to control loose women and the men hoo luuuv dem. I maintain that this man is not a pimp at all, but a nebbish small-time meth dealer who, while waiting in sundry foyers for payment, is often attacked by small dogs.

Me said...

Uh oh! You're not the only one who has told me to switch majors, whether sarcastic or serious. I've got to keep truckin' along for now. I've already switched ~8 times!

Anonymous said...


I agree with Esther 100%.

Now you're ready for a one man artistic performance art. Practice quick costume changes and an array of accents.

You really switched majors 8 times?

Chris Cope said...

I didn't swith majors eight times, that was someone with the username of "Me." Very confusing.

I switched majors six times: philosophy to mass communications to journalism to politics to journalism to politics.