My wife is out of town for the weekend. She's visiting St. George, Utah, for her 10-year high school reunion (Go Flyers!). She will probably be a standout among the breeding stock that is your average Southern Utah girl. That's cruel, I know. My God, the women are gorgeous there, but the majority of them have been brought up to be mothers and housewives*. As such, most of Rachel's friends will have gained weight, have children, and never finished college (because what's the point of going to college after you've found a husband?). Whereas my wife is the hottest of all hotties, with a master's degree and a husband who... oh, that's me... well, OK, she could have done better in picking a husband, but she wins on every other count.
Am I the only person who remembers Square One? I mentioned this show at work today and they just looked at me.
Clive Wolfendale is a very, very, very bad man.
One of the beauties of the Internet is that my columns never go away. So, from time to time I receive e-mails in response to columns that ere written several years ago. I received an e-mail today that said: "I read your article, and I would like to ask you, some men unbuckle their pants at the urinal, and some just unzip. Is unbuckling considered rude? I can not find an etiquette site that says so."
How would you have answered this guy?
Usually when a school eliminates its American Indian mascot, it does so with a half-assed sense that strikes me as almost bitter: "Fine. You don't like the Redmen? From now on, we are the Red Storm -- a perfectly useless and shapeless mascot that is impossible to conceptualize."
Therefore, I suggest University of North Dakota change its mascot from the "Fighting Sioux" to the "Fighting Sue." The mascot can be an angry visage of mystery writer Sue Grafton. "H" is for Hockey champions, bitches.
*Housewives and mothers are good things, of course -- I'm pretty sure they're the core readership of my column -- but I'm not sure that any gender should be steered toward any specific occupation.