Hey, have I told you how important I am? I'm pretty fucking great. I've been a lot of places. OK, you've actually been to the same places, but my going there was far more enriching.
Like, one time I went to Ireland and they fucking loved me, man. Loved me. Nothing makes Irish people happier than to meet me. My one-week trip to Ireland in college has made me a fucking expert on all things Irish. This knowledge makes me semi-divine.
You're pretty lucky to be talking to me right now. I can reference authors you haven't heard of. I refer to them by last name only, so you'll know that they're important. I have made it my responsibility to correct you on any minor and irrelevant factual errors that you might make in the process of making a point. For example, you just pronounced Sartre's name incorrectly.
Your jokes aren't funny -- primarily because I didn't think of them.