Monday, September 26, 2005

Damn your oranges, Australia

  • Yesterday I happily bought a load of Australian oranges because I like oranges and I like Australians and even though I don't really like San Diego (the port through which the oranges are shipped) I like union, which is what San Diego dock workers are. But it turns out that these are death oranges, man. As I was peeling my orange at work today, it fired about 8 ounces of orange juice directly into my right eye.
    Because I am a man, I responded to this unprovoked orange attack with calm and reason. I jumped out of my chair and danced around in circles, waving my hands and shouting: "Goddamned Australian orange!"

  • So the vote as of this posting is:
    Bourbon - 4
    Sleeve - 1
    Beer - 7
    Good choice, peoples. I agree with Beth's analysis and I really like Geraint's suggestion of a pipe -- especially considering that I bought one of these on Saturday.
    Also, that post earned me some 15 comments, which I think is a record. I feel dizzy.

  • Like Sarah, my family survived Rita pretty much unscathed. Of course, they were all out of town before the actual storm hit. The most trouble they experienced was traffic.
    My uncle who lives in Houston (my mother's brother) had a 36-hour drive to Denton. That works out to be a little more than 7.5 mph -- I run that fast.
    My uncle who lives in Lake Jackson (my father's brother) shares my generally grumpy temperament and chose to drive around barricades and take back roads to get to Madisonville. He got there in about four hours. He returned to Lake Jackson almost immediately after the storm passed to find his home exactly as he had left it. The power hadn't even gone out.

  • Ever actually take the time to listen to the lyrics of a song that you've heard all your life? "You make the sunshine brighter than Doris Day." What the hell?

  • Someone call Samuel L. Jackson, The Rock and Keira Knightley -- I want to make a movie out of this: "Armed dolphins, trained by the US military to shoot terrorists and pinpoint spies underwater, may be missing in the Gulf of Mexico.."
    (Found via Huw)
  • 4 comments:

    Afe said...

    Sorry about that. They're Australian Armed Oranges, designed to eliminate terrorists who stop for a bite to eat. Your shaggy hair and strange accent must have confused it.

    Dave Morris said...

    You consider ports when choosing food? I suppose I would avoid food coming into any New Jersey port.

    Christopher Phin said...

    I believe it's a reference to the actress Doris Day; the actual lyric it "You make the sun shine brighter than Doris Day," I believe...§§

    Chris Cope said...

    I assumed that it was a reference to one of my wife's favorite actresses (ugh -- the number of times I have had to watch "Glass Bottom Boat"), but still -- what the hell?