Saturday, October 29, 2005

Huw knows more than you do

  • I'm going to kill a man from several thousand miles away. Earlier this week, Huw asked people to give him something to do. I suggested that he attempt to drink a gallon of milk within an hour because people have always told me that it is impossible. So, now Huw plans to do it.
    That's the classic spirit of discovery, I suppose. Newton famously drove a knitting needle into his skull, just to see what it would feel like.
    British eccentric John Scott Haldane methodically poisoned himself with carbon monoxide, carefully taking blood samples in the process. He stopped only when his blood saturation level had reached 56 percent (i.e., he was almost dead).
    His son, Jack Haldane did quite a bit of research involving decompression chambers. He did a lot of this research on himself. Once, when simulating an emergency submarine ascent, the rapid pressure change caused the fillings in his teeth to explode. Another experiment caused him to lose feeling in his ass for six years, and he was unnervingly nonchalant about burst eardrums: "the drum usually heals up," Haldane wrote. "And if a hole remains in it, although one is somewhat deaf, one can blow smoke out of the ear in question, which is a social accomplishment."
    What social accomplishment may be achieved by drinking milk until one pukes, I do not know. But I'm sure Huw will soon find out on Saturday. Hopefully it won't kill him, because that would make me feel bad. I've got enough to deal with in trying to get over this damned illness; I don't need a man's death on my conscience.

  • I don't know if this is true, because I've never been there, but a friend once told me that in Sydney, Australia, municipal crews come along at night and simply hose everything down. It's their way of keeping the city clean, apparently.
    I need to do this with my apartment. Rachel comes home late tonight and the place is a mess. Because I have been sick, there are blankets and empty tea mugs everywhere.

  • How crappy must York, Pa., be that you can offer a job and a rent-free home and no one will move there?

  • Take a look at the guy in this story. He appears to be wearing one of those caps that train porters wore in the 1930s. Yet another side-effect to the downfall of train travel in America, I suppose -- 30s-era porters are forced into lives of crime.
  • 12 comments:

    Monica said...

    Ha ha, the founders of Johns Hopkins University used to shoot up cocaine to see if they could operate on themselves. It worked but they did it so often they ended up addicted, and used morphine to "cure" their cocaine addictions!

    Don't worry, you won't kill him. Just make him sick as a dog! I'm looking forward to it....

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    The porter hat is a disguise. The guy is a butler. The butler always does these things.

    Kossover said...

    I knew a guy at CWRU who set out to drink a gallon of milk AND eat a 2-pound bag of animal crackers in 2 hours during finals week. He was sicker than a dog for a good while after that.

    This was the same person who watered his plants with purple Crystal Lite to see if they would turn purple.

    Greg said...

    York is actually kind of nice. It's not the greatest place in the world, but I can think of a whole hell of a lot of places worse. Like, say, southern Louisiana in the summer.

    Dave Morris said...

    The self-mutilization of runaway tattoos and piercings in today's society makes the knitting needle, decompression and yes, even the milk drinking, seem mundane.

    Not to say I'm not eager to know if dude spewed.

    Huw said...

    Oh, the dude spewed alright...

    *rubs hands*

    What's next Cope?

    Dave Morris said...

    Aw, the agony of defeat. I think I shall have to mention the endeavor on my blog tomorrow.

    Me Over Here said...

    I would have laid blame on you had Huw died. And you would have had one...unhappy...American girl...camper on your hand to deal with.

    Sick or not.

    But seriously, nice challenge suggestion, man.

    Curly said...

    Wouldn't that be great if someone came and hosed your house down at night?

    Although in your case, there would then be lots of wet blankets and mugs full of soapy water lying around. I don't think it'd help too much.

    Astrid said...

    Oh my, that Huw! I guess his bones celebrated one unique and special party on the hour that the milk poured in!

    Thomas said...

    Does anyone want to join me in a farewell song to Roe v. Wade?

    Crystal said...

    One time in high school, I tried to eat 8 saltine crackers in one minute and inhaled so many cracker crumbs into my lungs that i still cough a couple of them up.