I have a wristwatch with a picture of Winnie the Pooh on it. It is my favorite watch ever. I think it is Esther's favorite watch, too, because she enjoys tormenting me for the way I say "Pooh watch."
In May, the Pooh watch stopped and it wasn't until just yesterday that I actually went out and bought a new battery. Now I feel complete.
I will have you know that I offered my wife the chance to write on this blog while I am in the UK; she refused.
"I'm not going to write on your blog," she said. "You can't break me."
Roses are red.
Violets are blue.
Nipsey Russel is dead.
Ah, hell. That didn't even rhyme.
Fans of C-list celebrities mourn. Somebody somewhere today will watch their "Dean Martin Celebrity Roasts" DVD set and shed a tear.
Well, at least two somebodys. Don Rickles sheds a tear daily watching those, but the tears shed in that case are for his career.
Here's an actual Nipsey poem:
"If you want to get even with your low-down friends.
Who treated you rotten to the core.
Give a party, serve nothing but beer
And lock the bathroom door."
Here's a Chris Cope professional writing tip: Don't send your column late. Especially don't do this when your editor plans to take the day off on which your column would normally run. The end result is that your column will not run.
Here's a Chris Cope fun fact about being a grown-up and having a proper job*: Every once in a while you will find yourself in a discussion in which you are very clearly right and the other person is very clearly wrong. But because you have a natural ability to draw heat, the very clearly wrong person will have worked him- or herself into fits of blind ignorance and he or she will continue to argue with you that the sky is orange, or that Jake "Body by Jake" Masterson is president of the United States, or that inverted pyramid style is somehow a foolish way to write even though it has been the standard of news writing for at least 150 years.
As you are going back and forth with this junior high school drop-out, a little voice will suddenly chirp up in your head: "You are going to lose this.
"You will lose not because you have misinterpreted your position -- you are right -- but because you are miserably low in the pecking order. And the longer you refuse to accept this person's cop out of 'I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree' (even though there is nothing to disagree about -- you are right, this person is wrong), the worse things will get. Then, many moons from now, after you have forgotten this discussion, you will be called into a higher-up's office and told not to do it again. And no one will ever acknowledge that you were right all along."
*It's important to point out that I am not talking about my editor here. You might have falsely drawn that inference because I referenced him in the previous bullet point. But in that case, I was the person who was very clearly wrong and there was no discussion because I recognized this fact. Besides, I could never get in a real argument with a man who loves the University of Texas as much as Adam.