Sunday, November 27, 2005

Merry Christmas, bitches

BeforeI am the sort of person who generally likes to hold off on thinking about Christmas until at least 1 December. But my wife comes from a family that keeps Christmas trees up year-round.

No, really. My mother-in-law has a disturbing obsession with Christmas to the extent that she keeps up at least four trees all year long. Recently I was looking at pictures from our wedding day and I was thinking: "A few generations from now, people will look at these pictures and think that Rachel and I were married in December."

We were married in the month of June.

Our Christmastime compromise, then, is that Rachel is not allowed to start celebrating the Yuletide season until after Thanksgiving. On the day after Thanksgiving we drove out to Hansen Tree Farm to cut down a tree and drag it back home. It had snowed that day, so it actually felt Christmasy as Rachel and I wondered through the rows of trees, looking for the one that looked pretty enough to kill.

AfterI always like to tell the story of our first Christmas together, when Rachel and I bought a massive 9-foot tree and could afford no ornaments for the damned thing. So, we drove up into the Sierras (we lived in Reno, Nev.) to collect the large pine cones that fall from the Ponderosas -- we used those and a few strings of lights to decorate the tree.

Over the years we've collected a handful more ornaments than I've managed to drop, so our tree looks a little more legitimate. Although, there still aren't enough ornaments to go all the way around the tree -- the side facing the window is bare.

My favorite element to our tree is Black Santa -- a 16-inch tall black man with a French horn and the most stylin' fur-lined robe ever made, for a man of any size. Black Santa, of course, sits in his rightful place atop the tree, making sure that all Christmas happenings are to his liking.

Now we just need to put some presents under the tree.

8 comments:

Dave Morris said...

Yes, the day after Thanksgiving is an appropriate time to begin celebrating Christmas. My friends went out to take part in Black Friday. Even arriving at 4 am, they came up empty on the big sale items. It's amazing the frenzy that exists that morning.

Curly said...

Black Santa looks like he means business!

Was he a one-off or can you find them anywhere?

Chris Cope said...

I found Black Santa at a craft store in Reno, Nev., where he had been discounted and was the only one available. I think he was there solely for me to find him. Some day he will come to life and teach Rachel and I a valuable lesson about the true meaning of Christmas. Then he will make us rich.

OldHorsetailSnake said...

Okay, I see the Black Santa. I DO NOT SEE the watermelon. Some guys just aren't real traditionalists.

Chris Cope said...

Uhm. Opinions expressed by blog commenters are not necessarily the opinions of the blog author.

Thomas said...

Chris said the "b" word. I'm telling!

heatherfeather said...

i still think "merry christmas, bitches" should be what it says on your cards. it's just so festive and no-shit-allowed-here.

Black Santa said...

OldHorseTailSnake,

Your ass is mine bich.

Sincerly,

Black Santa