Wednesday, December 7, 2005

Stay off the dope, you goddamn nitwits

  • Video blog Santa -- the North Pole is in Mounds View, Minn.

  • I have always wanted to be a beer snob, but I suffer from a distinct inability to really isolate the various flavors. Generally, when I drink beer I can only tell you that it is good or bad. So I can only tell you that the Lump of Coal Holiday Stout I had last night was good. Really good. So good that I recommend you go out and buy one for yourself.

  • When "A Charlie Brown Christmas" aired Tuesday night, it did so for the 40th year. It is probably my favorite Christmas program.
    When the show first aired in 1965, CBS television executives -- displaying their usual complete and total lack of vision -- hated it. Quoting from the Bible, no laugh track, use of children's voices (instead of voice pros), and the famous jazz soundtrack had execs convinced it would flop.
    I often wonder about the really great things we must have missed out on over the years because some boneheaded executive shot it down.

  • "We will change the way we look. Nine out of ten Conservative MPs are white men. We need to change the scandalous under-representation of women in the Conservative party and we will do that."
    But representing people who aren't white? Meh, not so much.

  • Has anyone else been experiencing Blogger suckage as of late? Last night I wasn't able to access either of my blogs for about an hour. Usually when this sort of thing happens, it means that they are tinkering with the workings. If that is the case, I hope that they will finally add Welsh as a language option and offer new templates. What Blogger feature would you like to see added/removed/improved?

  • "When Dunlop attempted an overhead chop, the sword got stuck in the ceiling."
    The valuable lesson here is this: don't try to get fancy when attacking someone with a samurai sword. Or, live somewhere with high ceilings.

  • Ah, well. That's comforting. If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding under my bed.

  • Sometimes I think about starting another blog, titled: "Reasons I Will Be Happy To Leave America." It would simply be a collection of things I will be happy to leave behind when the child bride and I move to Cardiff. Pretty high on that list would be beating up university professors who support evolution theory.

  • I will also be happy to escape this war on Christmas bullshit. If you're not familiar with this, it is a faux-controversy cooked up by Fox News -- conveniently in sweeps (when networks set their advertising rates and therefore seek to draw the highest viewership) -- decrying the absence of the word "Christmas" in some advertising. There is no organized policy against "Christmas," it's simply that the word isn't used in some advertising. Somehow the simple absence of something equates to a war against it. By this standard, American retailers have declared war on Islam by failing to train cashiers to say "Salam." And when was the last time a Wal-Mart greeter welcomed someone with the Welsh "S'mae?" This mean war!
    I know I shouldn't be shocked that Fox would overtly make up news, but Christ*, it depresses me. It depresses me even more that there are people who buy into this bullshit hook, line and sinker. I know one of them and there is nothing you can say or do to show that person that they have bought into a big lie. They have been duped for the sake of setting advertising rates.
    If you watch the video in the link, it is a pumpkin patch of argument fallacies that the average fifth-grader could pick apart. For example, John Gibson says, "We now don't call it the Christmas break; it's the winter break -- as if people worship winter."
    OK, John, explain the summer break.
    But I am really concerned about this blatant disregard for the word "merry."
    "We're not too interested with the word 'merry,'" O'Reilly says. "We don't really care about 'merry.'"
    He doesn't care about the word "merry?" Why is O'Reilly so desperate to trample on a perfectly good Middle English word? I like "merry." It sounds like "Mary," who was the mother of our Lord And Savior. Is O'Reilly declaring war on the Blessed Virgin Mary?
    Maybe he wants us to use a synonym.
    Like gay.
    Have a Gay Christmas.
    Apparently, that is what Bill O'Reilly wants: a big, gay Mother-Of-God-Hating Christmas.

    *There's no war on Christmas on this blog, boy-o.

    Crystal said...

    I thought up a name for a band this morning on the way to work. I had to tell you first thing:

    Yellow Afro Love Munch

    Huw said...

    Blogger went down the other night for a couple of hours *just* after I pressed Publish. I thought my latest post had perhaps proved too much and I had broken it.

    Dave Morris said...

    GO BOY! Take it to the HOUSE, Cope. Fox news is getting more and more ridiculous, just as they accuse CNN of being lefties. It takes a politically biased network to know one.

    Charlie Brown Christmas has perhaps overtaken Rudolph and Grinch in the race for Dave's Fave. Although... I also really like the Victoria's Secret Christmas Show very, very much.

    Thomas said...

    Did you know the White House is against Christmas too?

    Chris Cope said...

    I think, Thomas, that makes George W. Bush an "anti-Christmas warrior." which means, by extension, that the troops are anti-Christmas warriors. So, I guess there really is a war on Christmas!

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Please don't go to Cardiff. The "fundies" are just now getting fond of you and your take on the Christ child thingie.

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    The ONE thing Blogger could do to improve is to put up a notice instantly when they screw up so I don't have to try everything else in the book while I'm waiting for Blogger to resurface.

    Anonymous said...

    I'm sitting here with the bottle of Lump of Coal Stout in front of me that I picked up from my beer-snob store. Not a bad l'l tipple, 'specially since Im not a huge stout fan.

    Also picked up a 'Santa's Butt' Porter. I look forward to drinking Santa's butt. Um, wait one...

    Anonymous said...

    clearly there is a vicious war on christmas. look what happened to your mom's baby jesus. those commie pinko elitist lefty liberal ATHEISTS are taking the christ out of your home and out of christmas!!!

    why didn't they realize this started way back when "x-mas" appeared?!?!?!? surely somebody is to blame and should be stoned for that. what kind of defenders of the faith are these Fox people anyway?

    and while we're at it, we need to get serious about imperiled easter. what do cute bunnies and chicks have to do with easter? it's about the son of god being nailed to a cross and tortured, how can we possibly eat lots of candy and color eggs and have big parades with silly hats?

    or is it still OK cause people say "happy easter"?

    Me Over Here said...

    If *they* start replacing "Christmas" with "Xmas", there WILL be a war. Damn the man.

    I freaking LOVE "Merry Christmas, Charlie Brown". That, Frosty, Roudolph, and Garfield are my sissy's and my favorite holiday cartoons. And nothing beats "National Lampoons Christmas Vacation" on Christmas Eve.