Those of you with keen observation skills may have noticed that the city in my profile has changed. As of Saturday, the child bride and I will no longer be of St. Paul -- we are moving to Bloomington, Minn., for the next several months in an effort to save money.
Bloomington is a suburb of the Twin Cities, home to the Mall of America and Minnesota's only IKEA. It is where I went to high school (with Lindsay). We will be saving money there by moving into my parents' basement.
That's right, I'm almost 30 years old and Rachel and I are moving in with my parents. My wife certainly pinned herself to a winner, huh?
There is good reason for this. Our apartment management requires two months' notice, and with the child bride soon to be looking for work in Cardiff, we want to be able to go when she finds a job. Also, there's that whole thing of saving at least $1,000 (£565) a month by not paying rent, phone bills or power bills.
But still. Living with my parents. That fact has punched a massive hole in my fragile, fragile ego. It is going to be a long few months.
On Friday, Crystal leveled the greatest insult one can use against a Texan -- challenging my Texanicity. She based this attack on my correct spelling of the word "y'all," claiming that the totally nonsensical "yall" is correct.
Not wanting to insult her clear and woeful lack of education*, I explained it away by pointing out that I am more of a city-boy Texan -- I was raised mostly in Dallas and Houston. That cosmopolitan upbringing means I know how to speak English. Also, I went to Spring Branch schools, which are among the best in the country. While Crystal was still learning how to wipe her ass without getting her hands dirty, I was memorizing the capital cities of Africa.
I think Osama bin Laden should recommend more books to the American public: "Allah willing, you will read 'Love Smart' by Dr. Phil McGraw."
I checked today to see whether my Wikipedia entry was still there -- I won't bother linking to it because it's set to be deleted -- and it was. Someone had added this: "Chris has also been romantically linked with several British actresses including Keira Knightley and Lisa off of Hollyoaks." Brilliant.
OK, so Wikipedia won't allow me to create an entry on myself, but you can't be too upset at the Wikicollective, because it offers a list of pro wrestling holds.
My favorite phrase of the moment is "sex pest." I have been working into conversation all day.
It's that time of year again -- time for me to guess the people who will meet their end in 2006. Most of the people on my list are leftover from last year, though, so I likely won't be winning any fabulous cash and/or prizes this time around, either. Here's my list:
Bin Laden, Osama
Bolea, Terry (Hulk Hogan)
Bush, George H. W.
Calaway, Mark (Undertaker)
Coleman, Eldridge Wayne (Superstar Billy Graham)
Fliehr, Richard Morgan (Ric Flair)
Heenan, Raymond Louis (Bobby "The Brain" Heenan)
Hinkley, Gordon B.
Pope Benedict XVI
Queen Elizabeth II
*If you're new to this blog, you might think I am being serious in insulting Crystal -- I'm not. Although, I should point out that I am not so cruel as to question how Texan she is.