"Hi, I'm Jerome Bettis. I've fumbled twice in my career, but, here, Indianapolis Colts, you take the ball from me and run it halfway across the field. There you go, the game is yours. You're welcome. What? Oh, I see. You still don't want to win? Are you sure? You're not even going to try? Well, if you insist on DOING ABSOLUTELY NOTHING after I've handed you the game, I guess there's nothing I can do."
I do not remember ever being so angry after a football game as I was yesterday. Despite some miserable officiating, the Colts lost and deserved to lose based on their play.
I had made the mistake of thinking they would win. If it had been the Vikings, I would have expected the best quarterback in the NFL to struggle to get first downs throughout the game. But for some stupid reason, I ignored the Colts' playoff history and thought Peyton Manning would coast through all this and win himself a Super Bowl.
I want back the four hours of my life spent watching you suck, Manning. Give me back my Sunday.
I'm happy Grizzly Jake Plummer and the Broncos were able to defeat New England -- the genital warts of the NFL -- but I'm going to try not to watch next week's game. I may try to give up on the NFL for the sake of my health.