Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Risking God's wrath

  • I almost killed Koss last night. She stepped into the road as my piece-of-shit car was still sliding to a stop. I suppose, though, that as a member of God's Chosen People, she can feel a little more confident in crossing the street on snowy evenings.

  • As a member of the gay-loving liberal socialist conspiracy, I'm suffering a twinge of guilt over this, but I have absolutely no desire to see "Brokeback Mountain." None whatsoever.
    I take solace in the fact that I don't want to see it because it's proclaimed to be a tearjerker. I hate tearjerker movies. No, I despise tearjerker movies. I wouldn't watch a heterosexual tearjerker. I wouldn't watch an all-nude lesbian tearjerker in which they act out fantasies of having sex with me. Tearjerker movies make me angry, because I walk out of the theatre feeling that I have been manipulated.
    I want to start a fight with the director: "Dude, you just spent two-plus hours fucking with me. What was the point of that? I'm going to kick your ass."
    But I'll admit that there is also a part of me that doesn't want to see it because I'm just not buying the gay cowboy thing. If I'm going to actually like a movie, there is going to be a character in it that I sort of want to put myself in the place of (this is probably at the heart of why I don't like a whole hell of a lot of movies).
    Cripes, I just read the spoiler for this movie. Fuck, that's depressing. I am never watching that. Ever.*
    Why is it that every film set in the Midwest or West (excluding Chicago, California and Seattle) is so depressing? Life is not always that bleak out here, yo. I challenge Hollywood to set a cheery romantic comedy in Dickinson, N.D.

  • If you could be any character from TV or film, who would you be? Off the top of my head, I would be Dr. Perry Cox, from "Scrubs." He gets the hot wife and is mean to everyone. I am always trying to work up the balls to refer to guys I know by women's names.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.

  • Heavy traffic has been killing this website all day, so I don't know if it will trace my surname, but it sounds really cool.

    *Although, you have to give it credit for having a title that offers multiple porn spin-offs -- Brokeback Mountin' and Bareback Mountin'.
  • 10 comments:

    heatherfeather said...

    my eyes started to glaze when i was looking at the name map.

    fuller
    tucker
    walker
    fuller and walker
    walker and tucker
    fuller and tucker
    fuller and tucker and walker
    wuller and fucker and talker

    jay are said...

    h-f: are you still drinking?? :)

    and chris, I'm totally with ya there on the movie. I know it's kind of radical these days to say you're not interested in boo-hoo-ing over Brokeback Mountain, but I just can't get into it. I just can't emotionally get attached to the idea at all. Glad it was a success but no thanks to the likes of me.

    Dave Morris said...

    I had to stop reading this post when you said you wouldn't want to watch an all nude lesbian fantasy movie just because it is a tear jerker. Can't you just turn the sound down??

    I will be back to read the rest soon, I just need to recover a little. :)

    mona said...

    Honestly, I don't care to see the film either, I don't like cowboy movies, and I don't give a shit if the guys are kissing guys or gals in their films..if thats all that makes it different from your typical hollywood flick, then it ain't for me.

    Goo said...

    i'm TOTALLY going to see that movie! i want to see those two hotties kissing and falling in love and god knows what else. if i cry, then all the better!

    you're just afraid chris! afraid you may somehow be intrigued by their strange cowboy love. you just may grow as an individual by witnessessing the plight of these brave cowboys.

    Goo said...

    omg look what i found! thought you guys would apreciate ir.

    :)

    Thomas said...

    My brother loves Chuck Norris. Long story.

    Curly said...

    According to the Surname locator, my namesakes haven't travelled too far. Largest numbers live in South/Mid Wales - lazy.

    Jenny said...

    The boy and I are mucho excited about Brokeback - it's a movie formula made in heaven! Heath! And Jake! Stetsons! Sweet homosexual lovin'! Jen from the 'Creek! What's not to like?!

    I would be Dot Cotton. Or Natasha Kaplinsky.

    a. fortis said...

    http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/