I almost killed Koss last night. She stepped into the road as my piece-of-shit car was still sliding to a stop. I suppose, though, that as a member of God's Chosen People, she can feel a little more confident in crossing the street on snowy evenings.
As a member of the gay-loving liberal socialist conspiracy, I'm suffering a twinge of guilt over this, but I have absolutely no desire to see "Brokeback Mountain." None whatsoever.
I take solace in the fact that I don't want to see it because it's proclaimed to be a tearjerker. I hate tearjerker movies. No, I despise tearjerker movies. I wouldn't watch a heterosexual tearjerker. I wouldn't watch an all-nude lesbian tearjerker in which they act out fantasies of having sex with me. Tearjerker movies make me angry, because I walk out of the theatre feeling that I have been manipulated.
I want to start a fight with the director: "Dude, you just spent two-plus hours fucking with me. What was the point of that? I'm going to kick your ass."
But I'll admit that there is also a part of me that doesn't want to see it because I'm just not buying the gay cowboy thing. If I'm going to actually like a movie, there is going to be a character in it that I sort of want to put myself in the place of (this is probably at the heart of why I don't like a whole hell of a lot of movies).
Cripes, I just read the spoiler for this movie. Fuck, that's depressing. I am never watching that. Ever.*
Why is it that every film set in the Midwest or West (excluding Chicago, California and Seattle) is so depressing? Life is not always that bleak out here, yo. I challenge Hollywood to set a cheery romantic comedy in Dickinson, N.D.
If you could be any character from TV or film, who would you be? Off the top of my head, I would be Dr. Perry Cox, from "Scrubs." He gets the hot wife and is mean to everyone. I am always trying to work up the balls to refer to guys I know by women's names.
Chuck Norris doesn't sleep, he waits.
Heavy traffic has been killing this website all day, so I don't know if it will trace my surname, but it sounds really cool.
*Although, you have to give it credit for having a title that offers multiple porn spin-offs -- Brokeback Mountin' and Bareback Mountin'.