10 best beer experiences in the Twin Cities. A number of these experiences were pretty half-assed: "Go to a brew pub!"
"Go to a bar with a large beer selection!"
Whoa. What? I feel dizzy. I need to sit down.
OK, I'll mark that down for seven freakin' months from now.
"Go to a liquor store with a large beer selection."
Again, duh. But in this case, the liquor store suggested was one I hadn't heard about -- Blue Max, in Burnsville. So, I bundled into my piece-of-shit-car and drove 11 miles to the shop, my head filled with visions of exotic beers.
In fairness, Blue Max had a hell of a lot of beer. There were coolers and coolers and coolers full of beers, with even more beers stacked on top of the coolers. But the selection wasn't immensely better than that of WineStreet Spirits, which is 1 mile away from my house. Nonetheless, I bought $35 of beer, my decisions based mostly on which labels amused me.
The first beer I had was delicious, but the second (pictured above right) was one big Imperial pint of ass. In my life I have only once been so disgusted by a beer -- a Fischer -- that I poured it out after just one sip, and I came very close to repeating the experience with Olde Expensive Ale.
Not all my money was spent on fancy beers. I also wisely spent $5 on a six-pack* of Lone Star beer. I did this because Thursday is Texas Independence Day.
The day before, 1 March, is St. David's Day. Even the heralded Blue Max didn't sell Welsh beer, but I'll still be celebrating with beer. Every celebration is beer-appropriate.
Then, on Saturday, the child bride and I will be attending a belated St. David's Day luncheon with the local St. David's Society -- a small group of folks who occasionally get together to celebrate their Welshiness. I was invited to the luncheon in the wake of my 15 minutes of fame, and the child bride decided it would be rude not go. I have never met this group because to my knowledge none of them speak Welsh, and according to a former member, "80 percent of them are very old."
England's FA today unveiled their new look (because, you know, that will make them play better). If you look at that first picture, I like the fact that they have two token women footballers at the press conference. I spent a while trying to determine whether one of them was Lindsay Johnson or Kelly Smith, but then I got distracted by Rachel Unitt. Hello, nurse**.
CO-WORKER SCOTT: "Wow, this sounds like you: Found dead in the front seat of a '78 Cutlass, naked, dead from CO poisoning during sex with a 17-year-old girl."
ME: "One can only hope."
Can someone please get Black-Eyed Peas to stop? I can't take it anymore.
*Yeah -- $5 (£2.87) is how much a six-pack should cost!
**Extra points for Animaniacs reference.