Thursday, March 30, 2006

Who wants to be my sugar mama?

  • Does anyone have a few thousand dollars they want to give me? I am in the process of applying for student loans to go to Cardiff but it is killing my mind. I am so confused right now that I can't verbalize it. I can't even analogize my confusion. I can't compare it to anything. It's not like anything. It is beyond my capacity to even begin to understand what I need to understand.
    Here's what I do know: I need several thousand dollars. I'm not even completely sure on how many thousands of dollars I need; I think I need $14,790. But it could be that I need $19,010. I am praying it's the former*.
    When I needed money in Nevada, they had me fill out a FAFSA application. I waited a few weeks, and then received a letter telling me to go to an administrative office where a grumpy woman had me sign my name to several pieces of paper. A few weeks later, they sent me a check consisting of the loan money left over from the tuition fees and I used it to buy beer and presents for my wife. It was simple, and all I had to do was sign away my soul to Nelnet.
    This time around, it doesn't work that way. I have again filled out a FAFSA application -- two months ago -- but have not been instructed to sign away my soul or fill out forms in triplicate or any other such thing. I called Cardiff University this morning and they told me that it was up to me to find someone to give my soul to. I am trying to do this, but it's turning out to be far more complicated than you would expect. It is so complicated, so confusing, that I can't get a mental grasp on it well enough to define the questions that I have. I can't even tell you how confusing it is. I know only that I need money and that I don't have it.
    Mental note: purchase lottery ticket.

  • Littlegoat today took issue with my claim to have come up with the word "retropost," directing me to a blog where the term was used 15 days ago.
    Big deal! I came up with the term more than 16 years ago, as my archives clearly show.

  • Here's a random and painful memory: Madame the puppet. Completely out of the blue today I visualized her as the personification of my evil thoughts.

    *Mother of Pete, though, that's a lot of money either way. What the fuck am I doing?
  • 12 comments:

    OldHorsetailSnake said...

    Wait, wait. What about my word "riotonius"?

    Def.: Watts and Chattanooga.

    Also, hiccart. (Hee, Dave....)

    Lucy said...

    I pledge a tenner. A European one. I feel I could not sleep at night knowing I had denied the Welsh people your presence and intellect. But you have to name your first born 'Lucy'. Whatever sex it turns out to be.

    Jege (Jen) said...

    I had the same problem when I was preparing to go to grad school in Denmark. All was great until the US government decided not to let me use my (already granted)financial aid to attend college overseas. I ended up not going.

    I sincerely hope that the same thing does not happen to you. Perhaps there are some special interest groups willing to give you money? Are you hispanic, with a hook for a hand? Or perhaps you are dyslexic, with a hook for a leg? Well, you get the picture.

    Neal said...

    It will be money well spent. Rob a liquor store, sell crack to school children, take out financial aid, do whatever must be done.

    Charlotte said...

    Have you tried Ebay? You could prolly get a good thirty bucks for your soul. Mine would prolly be up in the thousands, but I'm sure you could get at least thirty. Maybe even fifty if you had a good item description...

    littlegoat said...

    I was looking at grad school stuff the other day, dreaming and all that, but stopped once I realized the money issues that would be involved. Financial aid for college is probably the thing that has made me cry the second-most number of times in my life. bleh.

    You should totally open up a paypal account for donations and beg the internet for money. Maybe you'll get some.

    Curly said...

    The lengths that you will go to to prove yourself right.... hilarious.

    Eilís said...

    lol. although all the other comments have been cheeky, i'm going to have to give you a serious one....so..hard...want..to...slag..

    usually the dept of the 'school' within the university you'll be attending has some non-EU and US funding options. they're not _that_ much, but better than nothing, so they are. also, check and see if you can apply for any studentships (kind of like an american "full-ride"...although why they call it that i don't know) check also if wales has any student programmmes whereby you can get funding as a US coming into the country to try and highten the developement...long shot, i know. ...em...for NI there are mitchell scholarships, and fulbright scholarships. (these are only for US students) are fulbright scholarships maybe for wales as well? anything that applies to the UK _should_ apply to wales as well....

    ádh mór ort! (sorry i can't say that in welsh. *grin*)

    Bram Davidson said...

    I would love to be your sugar mama ... alas, I am all out of sugar.

    tuckmac said...

    Chris...

    Oh, yeah... I remember the "loan" stuff. The really fun thing, is that the loan companies over here don't seem to understand the "exchange rate" from Dollar to Pound. I remember all sorts of fun on the phone to loan companies saying stuff like: "But you already have a loan for $15,000." (Which of course is only around £7500) which wouldn't pay for tuition... It was like squeezing money from a stone.

    Anyhoo... I went through these guys:
    American Education Services
    and
    the BEST one:
    International Education Finance Corp.
    or you could try:
    International Student Loans
    or
    Grad Loans

    Good luck!
    --Tuckmac

    Chris Cope said...

    Eilís -- in Welsh it would be: Pob lwc.

    Dave Morris said...

    Good luck with yer learnin'.

    Sugar mamas are pretty easy to come by, most women with lots of money just need someone to talk to.