In the wee hours of the morning Thursday, a Nebraska State Patrol officer pulled over a car loaded with people that had been screaming along Interstate 80 with only its parking lights on.
OFFICER: "What the hell is wrong with you? Why aren't your lights on?"
DRIVER: "They are on."
OFFICER: "Your parking lights are on. Your headlights aren't on."
DRIVER: "Oh, yeah. Well, I don't know how to turn on the headlights."
DRIVER: "It's not my car, so I'm not really familiar with it."
OFFICER: "Whose car is it?"
DRIVER: (Pointing at passenger) "His."
OFFICER: "Why didn't you tell him how to turn on the headlights?"
MY BROTHER: "I was asleep."
OFFICER: (Shining light on car full of people) "Have you been drinking?"
COLLECTIVE MUMBLING OF PASSENGERS: "No..."
OFFICER: "Alright, I'm going to search your vehicle, OK?"
MY BROTHER: "No. Not OK."
MY BROTHER: "You can't search the car."
OFFICER: "You are not allowing me to search your car?"
MY BROTHER: "No."
OFFICER: "Is that because you have something you don't want me to see?"
MY BROTHER: "I don't have to answer that, but, we packed very carefully and I don't want you messing things up."
OFFICER: "So you will not give me permission to search your car?"
MY BROTHER: "No."
OFFICER: "OK. Stay there."
A few minutes later, five additional patrol cars arrived, one of them carrying a K-9 unit, who was brought over to sniff the car.
OFFICER: "The dog is indicating. That gives us cause to search your car."
MY BROTHER: "What? He's just barking at me."
OFFICER: "That means he's indicating."
MY BROTHER: "The dog was barking when you drove up. He doesn't smell anything."
OFFICER: "He does. And we are going to search your car, sir. You can either stand over there, or we can put you in the back of the patrol car."
For an hour and a half, the numerous state patrolmen unpacked the belongings of five people who had been enjoying a snowboarding trip in Colorado. Each belonging was laid out on the interstate as if it were some 3 a.m. roadside yard sale. The dog was allowed to trample over every belonging, taking in a snout-full of all that sweaty, unwashed snowboarding clothes can offer. Eventually, the original officer walked over to the group:
OFFICER: "OK, you can go."
MY BROTHER: "You're not going to put our stuff back together."
OFFICER: "Nope. I thought you should do that; since you packed so carefully."
My life is boring. I mean really, really, really boring -- compared with some people, at least.
No. Just no.
"Hey, we realize it's a bit late, but, uhm, we're sorry. We don't know what got into us."