Almost 10 years ago, when I flew to England for the first time in my life, I sat next to a very friendly Englishman who told me what he knew about Portsmouth and the surrounding area, and did his best to answer every inane question I had. At about 3 a.m., with me still asking questions about how I could avoid being attacked by the Irish, he turned to me and said: "I'm going to be quiet now."
That's where I am at the moment. I want to turn to the universe and tell it to stop pestering me. Exciting things are ahead, but I am desperate for a nap. I want to sleep a full night without waking up in a panic about some other stupid thing. This is the longest burnout in all of burnoutdom.
To that end, I have all but firmly decided that I will leave the service of my benevolent employer on 9 June. This will ensure that I am not bogged down with such trivial matters as employment once the World Cup starts.
I went to the doctor Monday for an annual physical. It was an all-around disappointment.
For one thing, I seem to have lost weight. The "I-really-should-enjoy-fighting" Texas mentality that I was instilled with as a boy and the fact that so many Minnesotans are of massive Swedish and Norwegian stock means that even though I'm 6-foot-1, I all too often feel like a tiny fella. What I want is to be one of those guys that everyone gives wide berth when he walks into the room. I want biker dudes to soil their leather chaps just at the sight of me. But I'm hardly going to pull that off when I struggle to maintain 12 stone.
Also, the doctor didn't stick his finger in my ass. What the hell am I paying for?!
I did, however, get a tetanus shot, which hurt but did not leave any sort of a mark. This makes it very difficult for me to piss and moan to get the child bride's sympathy. Going to the doctor sucks.
I'm really surprised that I don't see this lede more often:
"TALLADEGA, Ala. -- Two NASCAR fans were electrocuted in a campground outside Talladega Superspeedway when a flagpole they were erecting touched power lines."
Unexplainable ska lyric I heard today: "I'm on a shrimp boat, AK-47."