Thursday, August 10, 2006


  • Have you ever noticed how much ridiculous stuff happens to Crystal? She is constantly getting some sort of red tape run-around. Her cell phone, her car; at least once a month there is some minor yet ultra-frustrating thing that she has to deal with. For a while, I wondered if perhaps she wasn't embellishing things just a bit.
    Now I have moved here and it has come to my attention that it is quite possible for a person to face nonstop hassle, even when they are trying to do very simple things.
    The simple thing I was trying to Wednesday was this: Find an immigration officer.
    Since I couldn't find one in Fishguard on Tuesday, I decided that before I did the leave-the-country-and-come-back thing again, I should find out where exactly I should come back to, so as to be sure to find a nice immigration officer to put a stamp in my passport. So, I called Immigration.
    And, of course, it was a clusterfuck.
    I ended up talking to a woman with a French or Belgian accent who spoke much in the way you would expect if she were strapped to a chair and there were deadly cobras slithering around at her feet. She spoke in a rapid, panicked, whine; giving answers to questions that I had not asked and seemingly failing to comprehend the meanings of the questions that I did ask. Twice I used this phrase: "Perhaps if you will allow me to speak, I can explain my situation to you."
    Despite the fact that she was responding to me as if I were a Nazi interrogator, I was unable to pry any clear information from her. Mostly what she did was repeat what I just told her, but in a more long-winded way. Eventually, I just gave up on her and decided that the child bride and I will go to the continent as soon as time affords. Until then, I will play dumb American if the issue ever comes up.

  • This link will only be good until 6:30 p.m. GMT (12:30 p.m. CST) Friday, but I'm posting it because it's of me. If you go to time code 18:14, you can see an interview I did on Welsh television.

  • Good name for a band: Fizzy Piss

    Unknown said...

    re: Fizzy Piss - sounds just medically disturbing enough to work. Good call!

    Jenny said...

    Cope! I have been away for frickin' ages. Thank you for the lovely postcard, I made you some 'tasteful' 'art' in return, but I have not posted it because I am crap.

    I have not read all these posts yet, but HEY why not come to Londres and sort it all out at the American embassy? Then meet us for many many drinks?

    Or don't go to the embassy and meet us for many many drinks.

    I feel cheated because last time I puked and couldn't drink or eat, can you tell?

    I'm off to actually read all this now and probably find out that I am speaking utter mince and being of no help whatsoever.

    Chris Cope said...

    The American embassy would probably arrest me. It's probably better to go to the Texas Embassy for many many drinks.