My latest column is out. In it, my editor has eliminated a sentence in which I make fun of myself for using the word "connubial." So, now I seem like the sort of ass who goes around using 10-cent words just because I can. If you think about it, that probably is very true.
There is also such a thing as "connubialism," which I can use to make these columns sound a heck of a lot more highbrow than they really are, e.g.: "Most of my columns address connubialism and connubial interest."
There are a number of community colleges that would hire me as a professor on the strength of that statement alone.