Wednesday, November 29, 2006

Childhood trauma

  • According to a computer at Cardiff University, I have a kinaesthetic learning style.
    I also learned that I am not dyslexic. Take that, James Joyce, you fuckin' retard.
    All of this comes as part of a series of tests to determine whether I have any learning disabilities. I went to the Student Support Centre last week in hopes of figuring out why I feel like I'm struggling so much more than I should be. The fact is, though, this is a waste of time. I know it is. I was tested for learning difficulties on numerous occasions back when I was flunking high school, and they didn't find anything.
    I had one teacher who thought I might have a learning disability that had not yet been discovered. Her general theory was that I had become so good at bullshitting I had never learned to do things properly. There is probably some truth in that.
    In thinking about it now, I haven't been studious since third grade, when I wrote a story about a parrot. It was apparently so good that Mrs. Brown took me and another kid to compete in a school-district-wide (this was the massive Houston Independent School District) creative writing competition. I promptly went nowhere in said competition because we were given 45 minutes to write on the utterly bullshit theme of how to deal with bullies.
    My suggestion was to stab the bully. I very clearly grew up in a different era that no one pulled me aside and gave me a talking to; I was simply given a cheap blue ribbon for participating.
    Mrs. Brown then took me and the other kid to lunch at Whataburger. I ordered a plain cheeseburger but it came out with pickles on it, so I just ate my fries.
    I don't remember trying much after that; from then on, my main interest in school was getting girls to pay attention to me.
    So, rather than a learning disability, it's probably my 21-year gap in studiousness that's making things so hard for me now. That's not really comforting.

  • Oh, well this is just lovely. Actually, it would be lovely if Rachel or I were employed over here because it would mean that all our debt has been effectively halved.

  • I saw this quote from the UK Foreign Office in response to Kofi Annan's claim that Iraq is on the brink of civil war:
    "The situation is serious but it is not on the brink of civil war. In 14 out of the 18 provinces, security is not as bad as it is in Baghdad."
    You've got to love that spin -- "security is not as bad as it is in Baghdad." That's not really saying very much is it?
  • 3 comments:

    Huw said...

    I suppose moving all the way to Wales to learn Welsh is the ultimate in kinaesthetic physical learning methods...

    Crystal said...

    dyslexic people are not retarded.



    they are mentally handicapped.

    --TBAS said...

    Kofi needs to start abusing drugs...his reality is a little off.

    Saying we're not already in a civil war, (much less on the brink), is like denying the existance of the pickles on your burger.

    Chris, there weren't any pickles. --whoop!--we're ready for the UN!