Wednesday, December 13, 2006

My girlfriend quite likes the sausage

  • I've decided I want an MBE. How hard do you suppose it would be for me to earn one? What do you reckon I'd have to do?

  • For some odd reason I decided to read a load of American news today from local sources (sites of newspapers and television stations). It was very refreshing because it reminded me of why I was so eager to get out of U.S. journalism and the United States. Presently I feel like burrowing under a roadway, like one of those environmental campaigners: "I'm not coming out until you promise not to send me back!"

  • Most amusing sentence from tonight's Spanish homework: "A mi novia le gusta bastante el chorizo."
    I'll bet she does.

  • Yeesh, this news has got to hurt one's self-esteem.

  • A warning to all snowmen: We ain't particularly fond of your kind around these parts.

  • An example of Britons' razor-sharp wit, as found in my Christmas cracker:
    What's the difference between Santa Claus and a biscuit?
    You can't dunk Santa Claus in your tea.

    Anonymous said...

    No, you can't dunk Santa in your tea - it's true. But you can dunk snowmen in Cardiff Bay, it seems. There is something really quite mindlessly cruel about that which appeals to me more than it should. A better example than the cracker joke, I feel, of British humour - and of the base levels we are prepared to stoop to.

    The MBE thing may cause you some problems, by the way. I've had my eye on one myself for quite some time now, as it happens. I think you've got to do something worthy, though, which is a bit of a bummer and a total deal-breaker.

    Maybe do something for a deaf or a tramp or a homeless. Once you get your hands on the gong you can drop them like hot coals.

    Good luck.

    Kind regards etc

    Anonymous said...

    Bet the girlfriend is glad she's not with an Indian.
    And maybe the rest of us merely-average guys could move to India to be admired and feared by all. As they say, En el pais de los ciegos, el tuerto es Rey...

    Wierdo said...

    why o why o why would you ruin that snowmans christmas? He'll have to spend it at hospial now. Cruel.

    Rhys Wynne said...

    Giving a donation to the Labour Party wouldn't do you any harm.

    Anonymous said...

    Creepiest. Snowman. Ever.

    Astrid said...

    Isn't tea also diner in the UK? I reckon I could cook a big pot of soup and pour Santa right in it. I am unsure about the amount of presents I will receive then though.

    Anonymous said...

    Astrid makes a very good point. If tea = dinner and dinner = something that Santa could conceivably be dunked in, then the whole thing falls apart. And so the joke is, in fact, no longer a joke - merely a mistake.

    You might want to splash out a bit more on your crackers in future to avoid these misunderstandings. Cheap crackers are full of these inaccuracies and that just leads to upset.