Tuesday, March 13, 2007

Conversation with myself during lunch

Dude. A lima bean. That's rare. Who serves lima beans anymore?

The British I guess. Although, they probably pronounce it lee-ma, like Lima, Peru.
Do lima (lie-ma) beans come from Lima?

I suppose that would make sense. It's unlikely that they are named after some bloke named Lima.

Indeed, walnuts don't get their name from Wall Drug.

I don't think Wall Drug gets its name from anyone named Wall. Its founder was Ted Hustead.

Why do I know that?

It's common knowledge, isn't it?

Almost certainly not. I'll bet I could walk all the way across campus, stopping every person I saw, and only meet a handful of people who know what Wall Drug is.

Nah. Remember, there's that one picture in Wall Drug of a billboard for Wall Drug that's in London somewhere.

One billboard in the whole of London and that makes Wall Drug famous? I'll bet most people don't even know what Mount Rushmore is.

Probably not. Its name makes it sound like it would be a ski resort in Vermont, and not a cheesy tourist attraction that's been legitimized by unquestioning patriotism.

If you want lima beans in Lima, do you simply ask for beans? The way an English muffin is just a muffin here. Here Britain. Which should make it a British muffin, I guess. Welsh muffin sounds strangely sexual.

The muffin thing causes all sort of confusion for me.

Well, muffins as I know them are relatively new things here, I think. Probably brought over by Starbucks. Like snakes brought to Hawaii on cargo ships. Or milfoil. It's perfectly alright to use a different word for a thing as long as the other thing doesn't exist. You could call a couch a "strawberry" as long as there were no strawberries.

Yeah, but what would you do with the word "couch?"

Use it for muffins.

I don't understand the whole Scottish pancakes thing. Do the Scottish simply know them as pancakes? I simply know them as pancakes.

Perhaps that makes me Scottish.

Rock that it would.

It doesn't make sense, though, that people here would call a pancake a Scottish pancake, because they don't just have pancakes.

They do. Crepes.

Yeah, but "crepe" is the name for those kind of pancakes. People use the word "crepe" here, so why foul everything up by additionally allocating "pancake" to the same foodstuff.

Indeed, they could be using that extra word to sort out the muffin confusion.
And biscuits. What's wrong with "cookie?" Why are they so averse to "cookie?"
It sounds like a British word, doesn't it? They have "brecy" and "pressies" and "sweeties," why not "cookie?"

This is a vaguely Beckettsian conversation, isn't it?

Maybe it's not, and I just want it to be.

Or would it be Beckettian?

Or Beckettish. Like "coquettish," but different.

People don't use "coquettish" enough in daily conversation.

They don't. The word "coquettish" always makes me think of when Craig Kilborn used to host "The Daily Show." I think I'll blog about that and award points to anyone who can tell me what the connection is.

Cripes. Does anyone but you remember that Jon Stewart wasn't the original host of "The Daily Show?"

Probably not. There was a long stretch there when I was Comedy Central's only viewer.

Perhaps it's a Beckettesque conversation.


BookishBebe said...

Canadian bacon = ham? I was startled to find in my research, so many webpages solely dedicated to the subject!

Anonymous said...

dude, this is some seriously deep thought. Lima beans (yes, pronounced 'LEEMA') are more often called 'butter beans' here.
crepes are pancakes, never heard of these 'Scottish pancakes' you are talking about. Crepes = pancakes. American style pancakes = those thick pancakes you get in IHOP.

The lads up North have something they call a Potato Farl, which to me is like rubber. Much prefer our version called a 'potato cake'.

heatherfeather said...

when craig kilborn hosted the daily show, he had my favorite part of the daily show which he later took with him to the late late show: "5 questions," the game he invented to pick up women in bars. (speaking of 1990s comedy central, i got season 1 of dr. katz on DVD, which does NOT have the episode where he explains how you get crabs from buying a used mattress.)

however i don't have the coquettish reference. that being said, in france, it's just called onion soup.

and i vote you start calling the child bride the welsh muffin.

Jenny said...

Cookies are a type of biscuit, the type with chocolate chips in!

Also, in Scotland those thick kind of pancakes are officially called 'drop scones', although most young folks such as myself just call them pancakes due to American cartoons in the 80s.

Brian said...

I don't get the coquettish reference either, but I did watch a lot of Kilby hosting The Daily Show. Best joke I remember was about some salary dispute between the producers of Mad About You, Helen Hunt, and Paul Reiser. "Helen Hunt's people had no comment, and Paul Reiser's people?

Well, they killed Jesus."

So offensive, so wrong, yet so funny.

mo** said...

meanwhile someone is still waiting for Godot at Mount Rushmore
( which I know although I am incapable of telling you what wall drug is....)
perhaps it's Bekettist?
ps.Conan rocks ok- so no Craig or John speak please!!!
pss. I really liked this post a lot.

Gary said...

I've never heard of Lima Beans ... does that make me Welsh, English, Ameican or just thick?

Sarah Stevenson said...

There was a strange moment of synchronicity here for me as I realized we just got a recipe for Lima Bean Soup from my mother-in-law. It seems meaningful somehow. The moment, not the soup.

I also enjoyed Craig Kilborn's Daily Show, though I have a crush on Jon Stewart now. (Agree w/heather about the 5 questions.)

So, Chris, were there some suspicious brownies in your lunch? I have to ask...

Surly said...

Is milfoil the foil you use to wrap your milf in?