Monday, April 30, 2007

Highly (un)likely

The other day the child bride's mother randomly asked during a phone call about terrorism. In simple terms, the child bride's mother doesn't fully trust the world outside U.S. borders and she occasionally needs reassurance that her favourite daughter is at least reasonably safe while her favourite daughter's no-good husband insists on living in socialist hotspots.

MOTHER-IN-LAW: "So, are you guys staying alert to any threats from terrorists?"
CHILD BRIDE: "Huh?"
ML: "I mean, aren't you concerned about terrorism?"
CB: "In Wales?!"
ML: "Oh, so you're pretty isolated out there, huh? You're kind of far away from it?"
CB: "Yes. Definitely, mother."

And the child bride is right. Partially insulated from the rest of the world by the great blanket of ignorance that is the South Wales Echo, we have heard nothing of terrorists* in these parts or, in fact, anywhere on this island, other than those who have been put in prison for life.

Other things we haven't heard about recently on this island: school shooters, workplace shooters, and shopping centre shooters**.

Hmm, perhaps we're not really the ones she should be worried about...

*That said, I just checked the Home Office website and apparently the current threat level in the UK is severe, meaning that "an attack is highly likely." That kind of warning could not be more useless. What does "highly likely" mean? What kind of "highly likely?" Sunshine is highly likely in Majorca, less so in my bedroom closet. Is an attack "highly likely if one is going about daily life in Cardiff;" or is it, "highly likely if one pokes an Islamic extremist with a pointed stick?"

**Great, I've jinxed it now. Some retard is going to let loose with air rifle in Aberdare town centre tomorrow and it'll be all my fault.

7 comments:

DaviMack said...

"Highly Likely" means they're going to raise your taxes, that's all. Don't panic - quite - but panic enough to let us buy some useless trinkets for the overlords' minions.

Ordovicius said...

Even the IRA treated Wales as a neutral, no-go area. Al Qaeda will do the same, as no one wants to be looking over their shoulder continuously lest a male voice choir appear with yet another rendition of "Myfanwy", and we all saw on Mars Attacks that there's no messing with Tom Jones.

Afe said...

Terrorists can lick my balls. If I get blown up while travelling the world, at least I went on my own terms.

Neal said...

I'm in the one place I thought that terrorists wouldn't bother.

mab said...

Isn't it crazy what parents come up with? My mom heard about a small apartment building that collapsed here in my country. She called, wondering if I and all of my friends were ok. The trouble: the building is a 6 hour drive from where I live. "The aftershocks were pretty extreme, but now I think we'll make it, Mom. Wait? What's that crack in my wall...?"

Banksy said...

One of my former colleagues is now editor of the South Wales Echo.

I will enjoy sharing that description of it with him...great blanket of ignorance...a pearl.

a. fortis said...

Didn't those "blaidd drwg" aliens in Dr. Who invade Cardiff? Perhaps that's the reason for the "severe" alert status.