Dear Arriva Trains Wales,
Sometimes I feel very lonely and empty inside, and I want so very desperately to be held. I would like to thank you, therefore, for your utter incompetence when it comes to serving the needs of your customers.
Your morning- and afternoon-commute trains are so packed with people that they are physically pressed up against one another. Twice a day I can experience a level of intimacy that would usually require my buying dinner for someone, at the very least.
Even better, I often have multiple partners. Why, just the other day I found myself delighting in the warm embrace of five slightly largish women on the way from Cathays to Radyr. That kind of action would normally cost a fortune in Amsterdam, or require me to join a religious cult, but on Arriva trains it can be had for as little as £1.10. Actually, my experience was free! Your train was so crowded the conductor couldn't walk down the aisles to sell anyone a ticket.
Thanks Arriva Trains Wales. You're the best.