Thursday, August 9, 2007


You know those dudes who live for events like Sturgis?

Those of you playing along in Britain can't really relate. There are plenty of tough-looking dudes in this country who look like they would consider glassing* to be foreplay, but in the United States we grow a special breed of grizzled individual. Madmen who tear across the American expanse in motorcycles with engines larger than most European saloons (FTYPAH: sedans**). Baked by the sun, battered by mother nature and seemingly impervious to whatever things come flying off the road at high speeds, they are tough sons of bitches.

Suddenly I am wondering who would come out as being tougher -- an actual biker dude or one of Britain's finest. I think the British thug would have speed and agility but I think the American biker would be a little more stamina and have a more concentrated sense of cruelty. It would be tough to call a winner in a head-to-head match-up.

It's probably an unanswerable question. A bit like how I've always wondered which would win in a fight: a polar bear or a lion. In the polar bear - lion contest, you've got two creatures who have mastered their environment. Part of what make them so tough is how they deal with their surroundings. So any fight would favour the home team. I suppose you could put them in neutral territory, but then you'd have two competitors who weren't at their best. The same thing with your American biker and British thug, I think.

But that's not the point. The point is this: right now I feel like the leathery skin of an American biker. I feel rough.

And this after only two nights at Eisteddfod.

*FTYPAH: "Glassing" is when someone breaks a pint glass and shoves it in your face.

**How the hell Americans and Brits came up with such vastly different meanings for the word "saloon," I can't even guess.


mo** said...

the lion would win...actually no, the lioness would win.

Lucky said...

Now, are we talking a "pool cues and chains in the ring of death" kind of fight? Or more of a "Does your mother sew, Johnny?" brawl in the corner of the bar/pub?

Sounds like an underground hit! One-Percenters vs. Hooligans!! It'd certainly be more socially acceptable than Bumfights.