Sunday, September 16, 2007

Green Card wanted*

Ya-Ya The child bride is enjoying so much having her sisters visit that she has decided one of them should stay. In light of the immigration issues that raises we've decided that the most expedient way to keep Ya-Ya here is to marry her off to a citizen of the European Union, mail-order-bride style.

But in this case, you don't have to be some wealthy fella willing to pay for false affection -- you simply have to be someone that Laura would want to marry. Which means that you should probably be Mike Phillips or Gordon D'Arcy .

Ya-Ya is charming young lady who enjoys dancing, singing, photography and verbally assaulting her brothers-in-law. She can speak Spanish fluently and is instilled with a cooking skill that, while not equal to that of the child bride, is certainly better than any of that takeaway crap you've been eating lately. Sure, you'll find yourself with parents-in-law who think Rush Limbaugh is too liberal (no, really), but the Atlantic Ocean provides a nice buffer from that sort of thing.

Laura plays to the home crowdIndeed, the only down side to this union is that occasionally your sisters-in-law will invade your home, shaking its foundations with their bunker-buster laughter. But fear not, you'll have me to commiserate with. We can drag a television and microwave oven into the attic and exist on frozen curries and televised sport until they go away. Assuming they do go away.

Oh, no. What if they don't go away?

*Admittedly use of the term "Green Card" in the headline is misleading, since that is something that allows a person to live and work in the United States. But that is indeed an added benefit of hitching yourself to the Ya-Ya Wagon -- she gets legal status in the EU, you get legal status in the U.S. It's a win-win situation.

9 comments:

Annie Rhiannon said...

I nominate Curly.

Chris Cope said...

I approve of that nomination. I'll accept Curly as a brother-in-law.

Neal said...

I could only offer to have her move further away. Nobody is ever looking for an Antarctic green card.

Ordovicius said...

I think I'm still technically married to my last wife, but as I have bad teeth, no interest in work and dabble in the dark arts, I'm guessing that won't be a dissappointing news for a Utah girl. Can I borrow her anyway?

;-)

Curly said...

Ah, being pawned off over the internet again... my life just goes in circles.

A Green card wouldn't go amiss actually.

Why is bl*gger in German today? I'm being told...

"Sie k├Ânnen HTML-Tags verwenden..."

Nic Dafis said...

... you get legal status in the U.S.

Really? I don't remember this from my days as a husband of convenience. If anything, the immigration gorillas at Logan were even less welcoming once they found out I'd stolen one of their women.

Bugail Aberdyfi said...

As my mum would say:
" Well, she's proper isn't she?"
I would nominate myself but I think my girlfriend would have issues about it.

Ordovicius said...

I might not be a suitable candidate for your sister-in-law, but in case any other free female agents are watcching, here are my qualities...

I'm reliable (I always do whatever I like)

I'm intelligent (I prefer thinking to talking)

I'm open-minded (fat, thin, tall, small, black, yellow, I don't mind, as long as you're not a thespian)

I offer security (I have a collection of swords and a Jet Li video)

I'm not vain (I'm often dirty and I have bad teeth)

I'm determined (not to do anything I don't want to do)

I'm Teetotal (except when I drink)

I'm great in bed (I can guarantee that I will always be 100% satisfied)

The list goes on and on...

a. fortis said...

What if I'm already married but want to get to the UK? And have few marketable skills that I actually want to use? Any openings for a writer/artist and an art professor? We like beer...