Wednesday, October 3, 2007

It goes to 11

It's a simple fact that some peoples are naturally cooler than others. Black people for example: on the whole, blacks (and especially in the United States) are so cool that it is almost a super power. They can make anything cool. Remember that fashion of pushing up one's trouser leg for no particular reason? That was ridiculous. In a strictly controlled environment, jacking up the leg of your trousers is a sign that you haven't figured out how to wear clothes.

But black people made it cool.

I can't tell you how many times I've seen black guys wearing silly hats and managing to pull it off. I'll think to myself: "Hey, I like silly hats. I wish I could wear a hat like that." But I know I can't -- not unless I want to get punched in the face.

That's life. I like to think that karma is somehow involved -- blacks have had to spend hundreds of years getting the short end of the stick (uhm, that's putting it mildly), so God gives them extra cool. Yes, I realise I've just mixed Buddhism and Christianity, but you get my point.

In race terms, white people rank pretty low in coolness. Within that group, of course, there are sub-groups and some white people are just naturally cooler than others. In the subsection of the British Islands, then, I think we can agree that the Irish are at the top, with the Welsh, unfortunately, left to take up the slack.

I'm sorry. I know my Welsh friends won't be happy to hear that, but it's true. The Welsh are a likeable and admirable people in all sorts of ways, but coolness isn't one of those ways. A country that posits Meic Stevens as a musical genius is not cool. End of discussion.

Since I'm also not cool, this is something that has never really bothered me. But now I'm learning Gaeilge (Irish) and the coolness of the guy teaching the course is off-putting. I'm not saying he could walk into the classroom sporting an Afro pick, but he at least has a Coolness Factor of 11, which is to say that he is cooler than the 11 of us taking his course.

This makes it difficult for us to learn his language because when we try to repeat what he says to us, it comes out all wrong and we feel stupid and totally lame for trying to mimic him. Then we go all quiet and think: "Oh cripes, I hope he doesn't eviscerate me with his notorious Irish wit. They're famous for that, these wily Irish. They can think of funny, brilliant and cutting things to say really quickly."

Well, at least, I think that. I don't know why the rest of the class is mumbling.

9 comments:

Jenny said...

Lawks, you should try going to art school. Everyone there is cool like a mountain stream, the tutors being the coolest of all. THE SHAME.

Also: where do Scots rank?

Wierdo said...

How has it happened that my brother is cooler than me? Even my friends like him more than me. Damn, I like him more than I like me!

Bethgun said...

I was at a party once with assorted Brits and Americans, and the Irish guy WAS the wittiest person in the room! I like to think you're full of crap, Chris, but then you go and say true things sometimes...

Can my word verification be a name for a band? udpgo

Chris Cope said...

Jenny: I think Scotland comes a very close second -- Colin McAllister and Justin Ryan are holding you down.

Chris Cope said...

Beth: It's surprising how many people have told me pretty much the same thing.

mary said...

I once taught in a school in Connemara,which had pupils from the four Gaeltachts in Ireland.Many happy hours were spent by all of us comparing the different dialects and NOT understanding each other at all.
You come up to North Wales Chris and I'll teach you some Irish, the proper western stuff.

mary said...

And maybe with a bit of wit thrown in!

Thomas said...

Hey, Chris, do you remember my blog?

Bethgun said...

Great then, it's settled: You're not totally full of crap, and I'm not very original. There's a lovely sense of equity in that, isn't there?