Sunday, January 31, 2010

Whimsy bath

I took a bath today in a fit of whimsy. That is to say the bath was whimsy-induced, not that I was in the midst of a whimsy fit and that bathing also took place. Like, if I were to have said that I had taken a bath in a fit of rage, you likely wouldn't see a cause and effect there: "Grr, I'm so angry that Reese Witherspoon won't return my calls, I'm going to take a bath!"

You'd just assume I was angry and bathing (which is a good name for a band). But in this case, there was a connection. I felt whimsy and then submerged myself in water as a result.

However, I don't want you to think that it is only in whimsy that I choose to bathe. It's just that usually I would shower. Because I am a man. And men shower. Men prefer to do our bathing standing up. We like to do all sorts of things standing up: peeing, watching soccer, hanging out at the pub, shagging, waiting in queue at the bank. Generally the only time we don't prefer to stand is when we are moving. We hate Segways because they take a perfectly manly activity like standing and make it all gay.

It's OK to stand on a moving bus or subway train, but only if there are hot chicks around to see that we gave up our seats to old ladies.

But, anyway, I took a bath today, which is one of those sort of things you can do when you are living the single life. There's no one around to see me acting so gay. While in the bath, I listened to Joni Mitchell and cried. Then I ate chocolate and watched "Twilight."

By this point, you'll have cottoned to the fact that this particular blog post has no point. In fact, the whole thing is a lie, but for the bit about taking a bath.

2 comments:

Andy D said...

Very good post. I just have to disagree with you on one: I prefer to sit or lay down for anything I can get away with sitting for. With the exception of peeing, I think I would prefer to do everything on your list while sitting or laying. Maybe it's just me.

Annie said...

I had a boyfriend once who sat when he peed. He once featured in a local newspaper because of it.