Monday, February 8, 2010

It's the most wonderful time of the year, bitches

UPDATE: Y'all were speedy! I'm afraid all the cards are now spoken for.

"These are two for three," the cashier said, waving one of the boxes in the air. "Go get another one."

"Yeah, I know, but I don't actually have that many friends," I said. "I don't know what I'd do with the extras."

"Oh, no, love. They're two for three," she said. "Go on, get another pack. You don't want them goin' to waste."

"They're not fruit. They'll not go bad on the shelf. I'll just leave it."

"No, love," she said, sterner this time. "Stop arguin' and go get another pack of Christmas cards."

Roughly two months later, eight small shiny cards remain on my desk, unsent. Then, today I remembered a similar situation a few years ago in which I managed to simultaneously rid myself of spare Christmas cards and better establish international friendships.

So, if you'd like to receive an out-of-season Christmas card from Wales, today is your lucky day! All you need do is drop me an e-mail with your snail mail address and soon (when I can be arsed) a genuine Cardiff-bought Christmas card will be wandering its way to you across whatever distance exists between you and me.

But wait, there's more! Inside the Christmas card I will place a genuine expired rail ticket! That's right, an actual ticket as used by me to get from point A to point B via Wales' charming hasn't-been-updated-since-the-1960s rail network. It doesn't matter that points A and B are unexciting places, if you don't live in Britain no one will know. You can display the ticket on your wall and tell friends that it was you who travelled to such exotic locations as Cathays, Danescourt, Radyr and Cardiff Central. Make up your own stories about how amazing these places are, and no one will be the wiser (save those with internet access).

But wait! There's more! One lucky Christmas card recipient will receive something even more spectacular: A reward card from Burgers International & Pizzaria, located in beautiful Bonney Lake, Washington, USA! Use the reward card to collect 12 stamps and earn your way to a free burger (up to $12 value). Already the card has one stamp from when I stopped there on my way back from hiking Mount Rainier last summer. With card in hand, you'll be just 11 burgers away from the sweet taste of freedom (from having to pay for a burger).

Christmas card supplies are limited! Hurry! Don't miss this golden opportunity to have stuff show up in your mailbox! Ooooh!

UPDATE: There are no cards left. Congratulations Astrid, Heather, Huw, Kelly, Maria, Rose, Tiffany, and Zita. Enjoy your out-of-date Christmas cards and expired train tickets.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Chris Cope said...

Huw, I deleted your comment only to save you from having your address exist on the internets for all of eternity. Your card is in the post.

Anonymous said...

Yeah, I thought it was a dopey thing to do after I sent it.

I await the postie with bated breath..........

Diolch

H